Hi there ..

Follow your heart ... I was in the family room, when my mum died in A and E .. they told us she was in x ray .. im not sure what id have done .. but yes some need to be there, some dont .. my mum knew i loved her to infinity and back again .. she loved me the same .. we always told each other .. so ive no guilt for not being there .. still not sure if id have said go into the light .. or beg her to stay ...

It doesn't matter what everyone else wants to do .. everyone should do what their heart tells them, and accept all decisions .. I know as a mum with cancer .. whatever my son did, would be o.k with me, so my hunny .. you do what your heart tells you .. but never look back no matter what you decide .. stick to your decision and stand by it ... sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie  

Hi Beth 

As Chriss said follow your heart. The reason alot of people regret not being with a loved one when they pass away is because they never had chance to say goodbye and tell then they love them. Your mum knows you love her and you have had chance to say everything you wanted to say to her.

You are not at all selfish by not wanting to see her go and no one will think badly of you if you feel you can't be there. You have been there for her when she needed you which is what matters the most and as time goes by you will get great comfort from knowing that. 

Take care 

Georgina 

I'll go against the grain.  Ultimately it is your decision but sometimes we have to force ourselves to face unpleasant situations. 

Will you regret in the future not being there?

There is no second chance. 

Dear Beth,

I am so sorry to read your message. My heart goes out to you and all your family. I can only share my experience with you and hope that it helps you make what is a very personal and individual decision. There is no right or wrong,what you decide will be right no matter which way you go. I lost my mother to cancer. When she died she was in a hospice. I didn't want to see her pass away, why would anybody, but when the time came I was there with my dad, my brother and sister and my wife. I was so glad that I was. I held my mother's hand and she passed peacefully away. We all were together as a family, we all helped one another and my mum got to be with her nearest and dearest right up to the very end. You may think what I say next sounds odd, but being there at the death was not as you might expect. It was peaceful. It was a release of her pain, it was a release of our worry and sorrow for her and she was finally free of her ordeal. I would go as far to say that it was uplifting. 
 

Speaking personally, being there for me was the right thing and I did all I could. I suspect you are far stronger than you feel right now? My view  is that your presence will be felt by your mum and you may also get comfort in the future from knowing you were there? If I am truly honest with you, trying to be useful and not sit on the fence (although the fence is sometimes a good place to be) I doubt very much that you will regret being there I really don't. You may however regret it if you aren't there. Be strong. Take care and no one can criticise you whatever you do. X

So sorry for you. Follow your instinct. I didn't want to be there when my mam died and I'm very happy with my decision. Seeing her gasp and suffer would have been worse for me. I've no regrets after 26 years. Not every death is peaceful and I've witnessed others  that were horrendous. Very unpeaceful. Some hosputals drug patients so they slip away easily without struggle,  in this case they won't know you are there anyway. It's nonsence that people pass peacefully when it's not totally expected that day.  Wish you the best. Hugs.