Hi AJ,

We all get dealt our lots in life and just have to get on with them. If your mum has already expressed that she doesn't want family to know, then there is nothing you can do to change this, unless she voluntarily changes her mind.

I am glad to hear that she is seeing a counsellor and that you and your sister are going to see one too. I hope that this helps all of you. How is your dad coping, or does he need to see someone too? Ask your mum's GP or one of the nurses about the Ensure drinks. They are available on prescription and come in different flavours. My mum-in-law only liked the vanilla one. They also do a yoghurt-type build up pudding.

Instead of worrying about how little time you all have left. Try to make the most of this time. Make special memories. Don't leave anything unsaid. Take each day as it comes. If you feel that her pain is not being properly controlled, mention this to her care team.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Aj98, 

I just had to reply to you, your story is so so similar to mine. I felt like I was reading my own story. I'm 25 and my mum 54. My mum was diagnosed in sept 2011, had a double mastectomy, chemo and rads too and then had 4 years of remission. 

In July 2015 she was told her cancer had returned in her spine x2 places. She has since had numerous rounds of 'tablet' chemo. Palliative is such a scary word and I remember being convinced my mum was going to drop down, but we've had 5 lovely years of making the most of an awful situation. Mums health has since deteriorated, she too has never wanted a time scale but was recently told she had months/weeks. 
 

it's so so difficult and totally consuming. The drive to take your mums pain and discomfort away is unimaginable. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug and tell you there is someone who understands - completely!! My advice would be to make the most of every day. Hopefully your mum will respond well to the tablet chemo and you'll be able to spend that lovely quality time together. 

do you have siblings? I have become incredibly close with mine. They really are the only people who will truly understand your feelings. 
 

if you feel strong enough seek counselling - it's so so empowering and will enable you to get all of this out in the open in a safe environment. 

Is there a palliative care centre near to your mum? My mum attended a day hospice there and it really really supported her. 
 

I really do hope you're ok. I am sending love, strength and healing your way. 
 

xxx

Hi heaven,

It really is terrifying how many people are in such similar circumstances, you almost live in your own happy bubble until it affects you. It's lovely to hear how you have been able to really make the most of your time with your mum. 
I have two sisters, I am the youngest and the only one still at home so our experiences are different, although I will agree that it has brought us much closer. Myself and one of my sisters have been provided with counselling, she is also getting support from other services. It really is awful and I am just at a complete loss as to what I can/should do. I just really wish I knew 'how long' as the obsessive googling and worrying is driving me insane!!
My mum's now been referred to counselling and we are trying to encourage my dad to go, but he's a very proud man so we assume he will refuse any help. 
There's a lovely hospice close to us who offer all kinds of support and I'm sure she'll be open to accessing it when she needs to. 

Sending my love to you too, you seem to be coping amazing and I hope I can be at that point soon. Thinking of you and your family xx

Hi lovely, 

I've re read your post and (I'm certainly no expert) but I want you to have hope that your mum too will be able to have some time and isn't going anywhere just yet. Her oncologist will measure her Tumor markers in her blood, they will go up and down depending on how well the treatment is working. 
 

My mum has tried nearly 8 different types of drug therapy, Had breaks inbetween and repeated cycles that worked well. I promise they will give your mum every chance of being here. The treatment options work like a flow chart - they move through each drug trying to find one mum can tolerate/keeps the markers at bay. 
 

 Secondary cancer is a ***, so tough. When I first found out about my mum having cancer again I couldn't get my head around the idea of terminal/incurable. They're such frightening words.. One doctor even told us that my mum could outlive the cancer and die of old age! (Unfortunately this isn't the case) but I held onto that Hope for soo so long. I hope you can find some hope and strength to hold onto too. No one can tell you how long, I promise you will know if it's soon. Your mum will know too. My mum also point blank refused to know a prognosis (life expectancy) and I really really struggled. I felt like it was selfish of her to not find out. I now know that she was just protecting herself and us kids. I know that doesn't help but please please don't google, you will get all sorts and every situation is different. I am praying you can have some time with your mumma. 
 

Can I just ask where your counselling support is coming from? I've been paying privately for a counsellor for a year or so now. I'm glad you're utilising this service - it's sooo liberating to talk. 
 

I don't feel like I cope (hence being on a forum when I should be asleep) but I do think you learn to live with the fatal blow your family has been dealt. I cry a lot and I'm taking anti depressants which i can't be without. Please don't worry about coping. Get through each day at a time, if you can't do that each hour and if you can't do that each minute at a time will do. 
 

love and hugs xxxx

That's really helpful thank you so much. It's strange, when I was told it was terminal I didn't really have a timescale in my mind as such, it was just the thought of losing my mum either way. It wasn't until my parents started discussing it between themselves that I realised that they were anticipating a poor prognosis. I understand why she doesn't want to find out and I'm just praying it works out for us. 
My mum has a Macmillan nurse who she was automatically referred to by the hospital. They have been absolutely amazing, they have helped her arrange all of the financial support she is entitled to, ensured the whole family is coping, and if not offered us counselling, a Solicitor has already been round to complete Wills/Lasting Powers of Attorney. Today she even got a blue badge with their help! It's all completely free too. They make sure she has all the right medication and that her pain in under control. On a recent visit my parents mentioned that me and my sister were struggling and the Macmillan nurse referred us to our local Hospice (not sure if it is just a northern service) and we had appointments within the next week. Again, all free of charge and there is no limit on how many sessions we can have. They have referred my sister to complete some stone wellbeing therapy too (no idea what this is)! But they really have been fab. It is definitely worth looking into if possible. 
I'm the exact same at the moment, I feel like I spend half of my day crying. But as you say, take each moment as it comes. 
 

xxx

Hello heaven223

yeh it's unbelievably frustrating, we haven't had an apology or anything, I've put in a complaint to the NHS for a review of our GP as well as a review of the ratio of people to health services because my area has more and more housing developments every year but no more GPs or hospitals. I hope this will highlight the lack of and something will be done for future people so something like this happens much less.

That's a good idea about filming her voice to have something to remember her by

Sorry about your mum, take care xx

Hi it was interesting to me to read your post as I am having similar journey. I am taking abemaciclib drug with the injections for last 2 months so dont know yet if this all will work. I have 2 sons age 29 and 31 who I try not to let them know my suffering too much. I feel you cant keep moaning about your pain as no one wants to hear this as much as you have it. Just make your days together memorable ones and as happy as possible. GOOD LUCK sweetie