Your despair and grief is perfectly normal, even without mental illness we all struggle to see our most loved ones suffer and die. Cancer is unfair because it kills slowly and hits everyone, young or old. So the sense of injustice is real, and understandable

You are right, you cannot get through this alone, and while we can support you, read your posts and offer some kindness, we cannot completely reach you. You need to open up to your family and ask them to see a therapist. You must talk to someone who will pick up the phone when you are at your lowest, that will listen to you properly and save you from yourself. Ending your life will not save your boyfriend's, and I think our duty to our loved ones is to honour their lives. Keep living and keep his memory alive when he is gone. Our deads continue their lives through us, once we are gone, so are they. You have a choice to live, he doesn't. Keep living for him.

Sending you hugs and love

Welcome to the forum completeandtotalmadness although I'm really sorry about your boyfriend's diagnosis.

I can't begin to imagine how difficult this situation is for the both of you but you are not alone. So many of our members know what it is like to be in this position so will really understand what you are going through at the moment and I'm sure some of them will be along soon to offer their support and advice.

As you know, this journey can be physically and emotionally demanding so it's really important that you look after yourself at this time. It's also important to let others know how you are feeling so do try to open up to your family and friends about this if you can as they will be a great source of strength and support for you at this time. It may be worth letting your doctor know how you're feeling as well as I'm sure they will want to do all they can to help but for those times when you feel like you're really struggling, especially when you feel like there is no-one around, then do get in touch with Samaritans. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 116 123. There is also a really useful list of services that you can speak to just here as well.

I know I can't take away the pain and fear of what's to come, but I hope it helps to know that the Cancer Chat community are always here if you need them.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello love xxx 

What terrible news and so much for a young lady to deal with.

So sorry to read this. I hope your boyfriend is as comfortable as he can be xxx 
 
Please come back here and let us know how you are? It may do you some good to have an outlet for anxiety, fear and anything else you may be going through xxx

Hi, may I say you are a brave soul and you are stronger than you think, we all are, please know you are not and never will be alone as there are many souls walking along side you, they have an empathy with you and taking your own life is not an option as I feel you have friends you can call on to assist you on this journey, please reach out to them as I know they will embrace and support you and in turn you will have the strength to help and support your boyfriend, and if this is all you can do, then this IS all you can do. If and when your boyfriend passes on you will know that you did everything possible to ease his pain and you will live your life in helping others who is/ have been where your loved one has been. Be there for others as you have been there for your boyfriend, Love is eternal and never dies, will send healing thoughts to you both, God Bless.

thanks for the support. i have just told my parents about the cancer. they are devastated. understandably. they say they will be here for me through it all and that i can always talk to them. i'm looking to go to macmillan or someplace where i can talk to someone. i'd also like to see a professional counceller one to one. but not just about this, about everything that's happening. i think my ptsd will get worse since obiously this is extremely traumatic. i just feel nauseas all the time my ibs is flaring up all the time i can't sleep i can't get out of bed i hate it.

i hate having to deal with it i am exhausted.

i am going to need very very intensive therapy honestly and  i cant afford it if i'm honest.

i know life is a better option and it won't save him if i die but it's just life doesn't seem worth living without him. he's the only guy i would've married and had kids with and it's all going to be taken from me. this world is so sick and evil.

anyways, thanks again

hi thanks for the support and advice. i will defiantly keep the samaritans in mind. i will book an appointment to let my GP know about what's going on and how i am feeling.

i will try and look after myself it's just very difficult.

thanks again and thank you this chat group is very nice safe place to let out all the emotions and also gain good advice.

hello,

thank you, yes i really think i've had enough thrown at me in my life but then i go and get more ***! xx

this journey is going to be agonising. 

and i don't know how i will carry on without him i really don't.

i am not great i just want to talk with a good counceller but i can't find any free ones that i can see on a weekly basis.

im very thankful for the support, yeah it is a lot for me to go through indeed so it's understandable why i'm struggling so much. xx

thankfully there are positives:

my boyfriend taking his driving test next week and he should pass fingers crossed!

so we are going to be going on adventures every weekend and having loads of fun! xx

very exciting xx

im very thankful for your kindness xx

thank you for your support.

very true, our love will never die. and he will be in my heart forever 

I'm relieved you told someone. The most difficult step in depression is to open up and seek help. I understand what you say and how unfair it all seems. I suffered with bad depression at 17, you describe it well, and it was a very dark time in my life. It took a few months in hospital, and a lot of work after that to learn to love life again. I'm 44 and am loving life. Therapy can be costly, but some associations offer it for free or a minimal fee. 

I won't pretend it's all easy, but with the right support, you can do this. Pick up the phone and talk to the support line, even if it's for something that sounds trivial.

Give joy to your boyfriend, not tears, give yourself love, not hate. And look after yourself, always. X

Hello again may I firstly say the advice you have been given on this site is sound as there is so much support for you out there please seek it. You have nothing to gain by taking your own life as your boyfriend loves you as you do him and I know he would always want the best for you as you do him. So, when your partner does pass, sorry if I am blunt but I do speak with love and compassion as I have and am where you are atm, I know he has and always will want the best for you so please honour his present and future memory and try to live a full and happy ? life as you know in your heart this is what he would want for you. You are there for him now and he will always be a part of you as Love is eternal and you are truly blessed to know his love and he yours, be strong lovely lady and I know you will always honour his memory even when you are in your rocking chair. May all you do and achieve in your life be in his memory and know his support and love will always be behind whatever goal you aim for and you will be strong and succesful and help those who will be where you are at present, much love and blessings to you, you are both in my prayers x Lester 76 x