Hey,

I'm so sorry to hear this is happening. I am currently caring for my mum who is in her final weeks following two years battling a brain tumour. My thoughts are with you and your family x

Based on my experience so far this is what I would suggest you do (Sorry if you have done this already!):

- Get the occupational therapist from the hospice to visit your home. They will be able to help with equipment and have been very quick for us. We have a hospital bed, a comode, a bed pan and will he getting a hoist installed soon to get mum in and out of bed.

- Speak to the hospice nurses, Macmillan or your GP about medication to manage his anxiety. Mum has Diazimpan (Valium) which calms her down. She also has a low dose (5 ml) of liquid morphine (make sure you write down how much you give him). Mum also takes Levonmepromazine before she goes to sleep. I've learnt over the last few weeks that managing anxiety and panic is so important in palliative care - as important as managing pain.

- Speak to your hospice nurses about carers. You should be entitled to 4 visits per day and should be eligible for funding. In terms of how many carers are required, the carers will not put themselves in a position where they are unable to do their job so if they think they need more than 1 person they will insist on it - so maybe wait until the first visit and see what they think.

- Try not to worry about the not eating or drinking. Whilst it is upsetting it is a very normal part of dying. I would recommend listening to the podcast Griefcast and the episode where she interviews palliative care nurse Kathryn Mannix. She calmly talks through the different stages of dying in a way that is not upsetting. I have found it useful to be more informed about what is happening and what will happen.

- Consider getting a catheter put in. Mum got this yesterday and has already helped a lot.

I hope you find this helpful. I have found that with the hospice, MacMillian and carers etc you have to be really forceful with keeping them in the loop as things can move so fast for you and your family. They should give you a direct number for you to call in emergencies too. With the medicine available now your father in law should be able to pass in peace and comfort.

xxxx