Hi there ..

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... cancer sucks ..

Now a long time ago , I was married to an army man .. they had S A F F A there to help with personal problems , esp loosing a parent .. when my son was in the army and my mum died , they got him strait home .. so maybe worth you asking for compationate leave ... unless it's really changed, I'm pretty sure they will help you ... 

Good luck ... Chrissie   ...

Im right there with you,   I found out last week my dad has stage 4 terminal lung cancer and it's spread all over his body and his time line is a few months at best - it was completely out the blue.
 

My family live up north,  and I moved to London a year ago. I have the same feeling I can't help and I'm useless to be honest. 
but hearing you say those same words somehow makes me realise we arnt completely useless. Your mum knows your there even if not phisicially everyday. And she will want you to continue your life too.

I went home last week and my dad said he hated everyone coming home because he felt like exhibit A - and it was a constant reminder he's dying and that really struck home for me. Imagine your death being the focus every day ? 
So keeping a normal routine for people is sometimes better,  makes them feel some type of normality.   Just check in, and talk about normal things as much as you can. 
 

I mean I could just be talking rubbish cause really I have no idea, but you've brought me some comfort and realisation today. 
 

I wish I could do more for you and others in our situation. 
I just send my best to you and your family, and hope you fill what time you have with love. 
 

Take care of yourself too! 

Francine x

Hi there, 

I really do feel for you. It’s a horrible situation to be in. The impact cancer has on the whole family is devastating and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone either. 

I agree with Chrissie, if you could get some leave at the moment it might help. You’re going to need to look after yourself too and its definitely a time to be with your family if you possibly can. 

I was lucky because my parents live nearby. I was able to help on a daily basis and gave up work to look after my dad the last few months I can’t imagine being hundreds of miles away committed to work with all that going on. 

The lovely lovely people on here have been here for me since the beginning, there is always someone available for a chat so please don’t feel too alone. The nice thing about this place is that everyone understands and everyone truly wants the best for each other. You don’t find this very often nowadays so I hope it helps that we’re all in it together sort of thing. 

Were all thinking of you. Xxxxx

Hi Stevo,

So sorry to hear you’re going through this!! First thing I would say is go straight to welfare on camp. As soon as you notify the welfare officer of your situation, they’ll be able to speak to the hierarchy and possibly arrange some compassionate leave for you. Even if it’s only a week or so, it’s a week more with your mum that you wouldn’t have had if you’d have not asked. There are procedures in place, all you need to do is ask. 

My husband is in the Royal Marines and as soon as we found out that my mum (his mother in law) was in her final days, he spoke to his boss who had been aware of the situation and they squared him away with leave so he could be home to support me. Welfare didn’t need to get involved in the end. 

I don’t know if is the same protocol with the Army but if RM can give personnel leave concerning a mother in law, I’m sure your unit can give you leave for your actual mother. 

Please let us know how you get on anyway, hopefully you’ll be home and with your mum in no time! 

x x

Thanks for your time to reply and to all of you shainge experiences.

Yes I have managed to get home under compasionate as it is Army policy, unfortunatley my mam is now on End of Life procedures, so its by far from the usual happy return Home at all.  I dont know if anyone else can relate but theres tims at the minute where I feel I have come to terms with whats happening/about to happen and theres times where I cant stand wanting to believe its true and I think this is just my Military side coming through.  I am however more content that I can at least be here to remenicse memories and leave on a pleasant note as possible.  She is currently at Home on a Morphine syringe driver with regular visits from the District Nurses/Palliative Care team as her wish is to be at home, which we all feel is best.  

Once again, thanks for your responses and support.  I wish the best to you all also.