Hi, Im so sorry to hear that you are and your loved ones are going through this heartbreak, my mum passed away 2 months ago in what seems to be the same situation.

Going through this and looking back on things i wish i could of done/changed !! Just talk about anything and everything, things that are important/happy times/memories to you and your family. In the coming days mum will probably sleep more so cram everything in now.... i told my mum constantly how much i love her, and her last words were i love you more !! me and my sister never left mum in the last few days and nights  alone, she was unconcious for 2 days, but we talked and read to her, stroked her hair and watched her breath  her last breath...... about 48 hours before she passed she had the awful death rattle, its the mucus in the windpipe, it doesnt sound nice and the care nurses will help with that, but make sure you ask its an injection they give. My mum had terrible bed sores on her back that i will never forgive my self for, please ask the carers to turn her when she can no longer move for herslf, i hope this has helped, its such a sad illness, please give your mum a hug and kiss from me xxxx 

Just be there kindnesses are all that matters at this stage x

Regrets dont help but we all have them we do our best in given situation but hindsight says could have done better. But hindsight comes later not at time love to all its difficult x

Thank you Jayne. You can only understand these feelings when you have experienced it so I really appreciate your advice. I am sure you have nothing to forgive yourself for as none of us know exactly how to handle these situations and so we do our best. I am sure your Mum would have loved knowing you and your sister were there with her. We are off to Mum's today with a cake for my niece's birthday- cramming everything in! Xx

Thanks x

hi 

like ive just said in another chat, there is no right and wrong and as long as your mum knows you love her and your there when you can is all you can do, 

my dad passed away in his sleep and he was with a night nurse, i had been there all day and my sister did the evenings until the night nurse arrived, he also had a driver in because he refused to take tablets anymore, his breathing was different during his final day but i didnt think too much of it because he had been like it off and on for days, my sister even commented on it that night .. we told the night nurse and she said she would watch him closely and call if we was needed, but dad had other plans, he passed during the night we are not sure what time but he passed with a smile on his face, when i got to him he was still warm and i just kissed him and we said our goodbyes,what im trying to say is there is no right or wrongs, and always leave the room and say love you x 

make sure she is confortable

just know that this passing lark is out of anyones control and you shouldnt live with thoughts of i could have done this or i could have done that because you are doing your best . 

thoughts with you at this terrible time 

Lx 

Thanks for your advice. So sorry about your Dad. Xx

thank you x its been a rough year but i always see the cup has half full so just think of the positves and not the negatives 

Hi there. I wanted to reply to your message as I am going through the exact same thing. Mum was receiving treatment for secondary peritoneal cancer and was told in June that everything was fine. She was admitted to hospital last Thursday with stomach cramps and was told on Friday that it's stage 4,  inoperable and incurable. They said that she may only have a few weeks left. She is only 62. 

I feel like we have been cheated. We all felt that mum was getting better and now this has been thrown at us. I just don't know what to do or think. Everyone is being a great support but I just can't face the thought of my life without mum. My dad is very poorly in a nursing home so she is on her own. I have been staying with her the last few days and trying to spend as much time with her as possible. I never thought this would happen to my family.  

Reading your post brought back memories of my wife, who also died from bowel cancer some 9 years ago. 
I agree with the person who said tell her how much you love her and ask her if she wants you to do anything for her now or after she dies. People tend to fret, in my experience about what happens to everyone once they have gone.

I intended to look after my wife at home but was persuaded to take her to a hospice. In my experience the care and pain management were exceptional and my wife just seemed to gradually fade away. 
I hope you can find strength in having done all you can for your mum. It's true to say thinking about the good times you have had together far outweighs the pain you will be feeling now. Just rejoice in having had such a great mum and celebrate it. 
That's how I dealt with the death of my wife and hopefully is how my children have dealt with it too.

i hope I have said the right things. Each person deals with these experiences differently and my way may not be yours. I hope you find peace.