So here we are.... just over 2yrs since we were told that my beautiful amazing mum was terminal, due to kidney cancer, to today when they have said there is no more they can do to try and halt its March, its spread to the brain. Devastation, anger, lots and lots of tears, I feel like I have gone through ever emotion possible in just one day. We knew this day would come,  and I suspected it would be today, but it was still awful to hear the words. 2 yrs seems to have gone in a heartbeat, and now maybe a few weeks, months is all I have with her. We have been told to bring her home, but as we can't get her in the house ( in the space of a week she has been confined to a wheelchair), so to add to the devastation we are now scrambling round for a hospice place. 

Everyone is kind and saying nice things but I just feel so much pain,  and now trying to make sure she is in the best place possible is just adding to the situation (not that I am having a go at anyone it is just the situation). I hate cancer and the pain it brings, yes we have had two years, and we have done many things together to build memories, but now it's just so quick,  they never tell you this bit.  

Now I have to go on and I don't quite know how to... how do you do it? How do I make the next period of her life is calm as possible? I'm scared that she will be in pain, and stupidly she is upset about missing Downton abbey! It's all a jumble and right now I don't know how to straighten it. I am just numb and very sad.