I'm very sorry to hear you are facing this dilemma regarding further treatment and would like to share my experience of my mother having to decide the same 8 months ago and my viewpoint as a daughter sharing her final weeks.

Mum had been diagnosed with Stage4 inoperable primary peritoneal cancer and although initially responded well to chemo, just 6 months later she was advised that the cancer was spreading rapidly and her choice was either to let nature take its course or try a second bout of different chemo which the oncologists gave only a 30% chance of delaying the inevitable and which carried risks of severe complications.

Mum chose palliative care and no more chemo which initially shocked me, thinking any chance of survival would be her choice. However she confided in me that whilst she undertook the original chemo thinking it would buy her a couple of years extra she didn't want to survive just a couple of extra months if it entailed more hospital visits, more needles, more feeling sick/memory loss and being unable to leave the house and essentially existing not living. She felt a burden on her family and saw how strained we were looking after her. Despite my protestations that we would care for her no matter what, she decided to live her final months on her terms and not the doctors. I think this was incredibly brave as she was frightened of how painful her death would be and how she desperately wanted to stay with us all but acknowledged no matter which path she chose she would still ultimately be beaten by cancer.

I miss her desperately and it's taken time to fully understand her decision, which essentially was her taking back control of what remained of her life and I'm not sure that I wouldn't come to the same conclusion if I ever happen to be in the same situation. Her attitude was to choose to live life however long or short it may be and not, as some friends thought, that she was choosing death.

I hope you reach a clarity and peace with whatever decision is right for you and that naturally however much your family will cling to more time with you they can accept and come to terms with your choice and bravery in reaching that decision. x

Thankyou for your post. It helps me alot to read about other peoples similar situations.

Andy

Hi there Andy...

I'm a lass with breast cancer .. and I'm a great believer that we should listen to all views .. weigh them all up, and then decide what's right for us ... cancer takes away control .. l won't let it ... I took charge of me ..  and the decisions I made or make, I stand by ... right or wrong .. l remember years ago a saying my family had was .. you make your bed... you lie in it .. meaning your the only one to blame if it goes wrong .. l still live by that ..

I have done the same as you .. I weighed everything up.. health and bones are not good any way .. so I would never have chemo .. and I refused radio .. that was 2 years ago .. but I agreed to masectomy and 5 years tamoxifen... each one was carefully thought out ... 

I want every day sinse my op, to be thankful for .. to build memories  ... I've had two xmas in Florida.. and quality time with grand kids and my amazing nieces ... l didn't know if I'd get a month or 6 months or a year or more .. I took that chance .. and every day I wake up, look up and say .. yep still here today ... and find something to make me smile .. if I go tomorrow,  I'll not regret any of it ... 

But saying that .. I think if people want to fight and go down the chemo / rads road then that's their right too .. l know if I'd been younger and fitter, with a family still at home, I would have taken everything and anything ... but at 65 , ive lived a pretty full life.. seen my kids grow up .. two of my grandkids have their own babies at school now .. so I've seen 4 generations .. 

I hope I still get a little longer .. I have one more holiday I want to take with my son and his two little ones to Florida next Feb... but either way I'll be there .. either with them, or looking down on them ... so I'd say to you .. do your homework .. ask the % chemo will give you .. then make YOUR decision .. and I hope you get as much support as I've had from those I love ... Chrissie x 

thanks for your interesting post. it helps a lot .

Andy

Hello Andy

It's a brave call to take.  

I'd also like to share some of my experience following my mother's diagnosis (metastic cancer) 3 years ago, she was then 55.  Without going into details of her type the treatment options were limited, with a median of circa 2 years.  Following some careful thought mum chose to forgo.  I remember very clearly the day she told me and my brother and we came to the conclusion in support that there could be no wrong decision.  My father took a few more days not to challenge just to get the head around.  Similar to HelenaW's mum some of her friends initially hadn't understood, however we appreciate they maybe weren't as informed of the prognosis for that type / stage.  

At this point mum took a step away from the medical world, and the only element of this where I  struggled was not knowing what then the levels looked like.  In the time of the 3 years she then had, she travelled to Israel for holiday of a life-time, Portugal on occasions to see my brother and grandkids, weekends away at home with me, my dad, grandma and had great joy with family and friends.  Moved into the dream home and had a year.  Even in illness she would've considered that time well spent.  

I firmly believe had mum had chemo and also not been cared for at home she would've been gone far sooner than two weeks ago.  If not looking at something and believing it will improve your life even for a period, that just doesn't work.  Everything in terms of then mediciation as things further advanced and when she was ready for something was her decision.  That path may not be right for everyone, but was 100% right for her.  Should I find myself in similar position I too think I would choose a similar road.  

Mum wasn't afraid and I saw no tears from her even in the final few days.  Fortunately no real nasty side effects of medication, none that would go along with chemo and no pneumonia at the end.  Her strength made everything as easy as possible as it could've for us.  I couldn't be prouder of anyone these past few years.  

My sincerest wishes to you, and with your decisions peace and understanding for your family.  

'Whoever walks with integrity walks securely' - Pv 10:9

x

thank you for your interesting post

x

Hello Andy,
I have stage 4 HCC diagnosed 10 month ago and shouldn't be here, but still going.
Have been on Sorafenib for 5 month with all the misery. Diarrhoea for 4 weeks, changing mood.
I have stopped the treatment 2 weeks ago and use alternatives and feeling good.
The recommended treatment ruined the quality of live for me I would not start it again.
I really enjoy the time given day by day. It's more important for me to have a quality of live than gain a couple of month in misery.
 

Hi and thankyou for your response.

I now have made the decision not to have further treatment as I am not willing to give up my feel good time now for something unknown in the future. Maybe I'd never feel good again.

At the moment I feel good and at peace with myself for making the decision.

All the best

Andy