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Mum has just been told her cancer is terminal. Any advice?

Sophie96
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My mum was first diagnosed with her brain tumour when she was pregnant with me 22 years ago. She has had a number of operations and radio therapy over the years which have helped her live a happy life. 

4 months ago we found out that her tumour had become cancerous (for the first time) and she started chemo immediately. Today we found out that it has moved to her spine and she has stopped treatment as it is terminal. 

As it has been such a long process that has taken up my entire life I feel a lot calmer about it than I thought as I have been expecting it. 

My question is, does anyone have any advice for things to do or ask her before she passes? I am 22 so I want to take a video of her giving a message to my future children as it is important to me that they can know what she is like and get a sense of her even if they can never meet her. Is there anything else like this besides taking general pics/videos/talking that I could do to keep a memory of her or just to make me feel more at peace? 

Many advice about the process is helpful. Thank you in advance. 

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    Hi there,

     

    I'm sorry to hear about your mum. My mum has recently been diagnosed with gall bladder/ liver cancer. Whilst I don't know how long she has it's suspected that it's been picked up late in the day so I don't anticipate a full recovery or a particularly long prognosis. But we will see I suppose. But I was having similar thoughts of what I would want to be left with I guess.

     

    I thought of asking her to write things for me. Anything. Favourite recipes she used to make when I was younger. Advice that was passed down to her from her mum that she'd pass to me. Or maybe making something with her. My mum used to like knitting, so I thought of doing a knitted blanket with her or something. 

     

    I hope this helps and gives you some ideas.

     

    Kelly x

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    Hi Sophie 96, 

    So sorry to heard about your mom. It seems a lot to process for bot of you.

    The things you want to do seems to me a way to honor her memory and telling her that you will never forget her which seems to me a beautifull way to express to her how important and meaninful she is in your life. Many patients do this type of messages for the future, but they need to feel they want to do it...would be important to know what are her concerns right now, if she is aware of her finitude and what she would like to do to spend her last days. I'm afraid if she doen't feel prepared to make that messages, she can be see the things quite differently right now... making messages saying goodbye can make her more vulnerable if she is not properly accepting she is dying.

    I think the way you have to know what is in her mind right now is having a open conversation with her, saying how much do you love her and care, and asking her what things she would like to do right now? What are her major concerns and fears? How is she processing what is happen to her? How could you help her? If she has any wish you could help her to achieve?

    Maybe you may introduce your wish during the conversation...Moreover, maybe you can enter on the movie with her.

    I hope this can be helpfull for you.

    All my love, S.

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    I'm so sorry to hear this. You are so young to be going through such a difficult time.

    I have had my mums heartbeat engraved into a bangle. All the way around so there is no end. I asked the hospital do do a cardiograph, I told them why and they were very accommodating.. I then found a first-hand engraver who copied it on for me.  She will be with me forever and her heart never stop...

    Hang in there, it's such a difficult time

     

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