Hey kazmaz my name is Shelly I'm 29

this Is going to be a long post i haven't wrote on anything like this before our story is quite similar

my dad passed away on the 20th of June 2019 he had lung cancer and brain mastatise I'm struggling big time can't come to terms with it 

we only found out he had cancer in March my dad was 72 he had not been well for a while in and out hospital he had copd , injina high blood pressure and a few more more illnesses but he got told he had a dot in his lungs which they were going to try and flush out with anti biotics ( seriously ) this was back in Jan going into Feb he didn't seem to pick up finally we got called upto hospital to be told that my dad had that horrible dreaded word cancer in his lungs And it had spread to his brain by the time they realised and that they couldn't do anything for him no cemo no biopsys no radiotherapy my instant thought was you're just going to let him die without even trying to help I know now he wouldn't have coped with that but still I felt like they just left him to die I was so angry my dad is my world and always will be . they couldn't tell us how far the cancer was I had to do a bit of research and found out he was at stage 4 lung cancer with the brain mastatise he deteriorated rapid he had carers coming in to the house  twice a day with my mum his full time carer he ha don't a just incase box (never got to use it). He would be home for a week to two then back into hospital we were told he had roughly 6months to live my dad was a tough man not scarred of anything but this horrible illness had made him shut of to everything and slowly just give up I seen the fear in his eyes and that still kills me I couldn't help him I tried just to be there's and be my Cheeky wee happy self but I'm losing my hero he must have seen the fear in my eyes to . as it came to the last 2 months to a month dad was so confused verry agitated as if he had a touch of dementia obv that was the tumers pressing against his brain his speach would go also  but came back I had to google everything that was going on with him no one would tell us exactly what was going on dad wouldn't talk about death or his wishes he would snap at me and I had to try and lighten the mood but buythis time he was getting paranoid He thought i was just staring at him constantly but wasent when I did look are dad I tried to do it discreetly it was so hard seeing how mutch worse he had gotten I last seen my dad on Father's Day he told my mum that he was dying I was so shocked with how bad he looked from a couple of days previous he was lying staring into space with his oxygen mask not on and buzzer on the floor all lit up no one could tell us how long he was lying like that for it was heartbreaking . Next few days he got worse . I phoned late on on the Thursday to be told they had put my dad on a morphine driver I though is he in a lot of painshe told me no no he was getting it every 4 hours but now hes getting it continually I thought that doesn't make sense to me so if I didn't phone me and my mum wouldn't have known about that we went straight to hospital and by that time dad had passed away the nurses didn't even no he had passed i keep reliving that day overs and over don't understand why we werent  contacted about deteration of dad and morphine driver I never got to say goodbye or be with him until the end he passed away alone and that thought kills me . Dads death certificate says heart failed at the end that was the cause of my dads death .  I'm devistated every day seems to get harder for me without my dad . I just hope you're mum Is still going strong and in no pain Sorry about the long post it's the first ive poured my heart out like this I think I needed it tbh .stay strong and positive and I know it's easier said than done when your worlds is crumbling but think of all the memory's the laughs but most importantly the unconditional love 

take care and keep your chin up  

Hi Shelley,

thanks so much for sharing your experience s, you’re right, we are going through something similar. I’m not sure what to say, other than to send all my love and thoughts to you and your family at this sad time. I’m 31 so similar ages to.

luckily, we have an emergency health care plan so my mum will not be readmitted to hospital but nursed at home instead. I work as an adults social worker so have some experience in palliative care and some understanding of how the system works but being on the receiving end of services is very different. Like you, I’ve googled all sorts, which I guess isn’t ideal but it helps me.

I don’t know if you have any siblings etc but I guess family and friends can be a huge support. I lost my dad suddenly when I was 17, time is a healer and I take huge comfort knowing that mum and dad will be reunited when the time comes.

just take each day as it comes, Cry, shout, comfort eat, whatever helps and make sure you make time for yourself. 

Once again thanks so much for sharing, if you need to talk/vent, I’ll be here.

kaz xx

Thank you so Mutch for youre reply Kaz means a lot .

I didn't realise how Mutch I had opened up and pretty Mutch poured my heart out to you I feel a relief to get some of my pain out in the open

day to day is a struggle some days are good some are so hard I feel like I can't even bring myself to leave my house it's a pain and loss that I dont know to deal with it Mibby if I got to say goodbye or just being there with him in his final hours . 

Thats the hardest part for me to deal with is the image of going into my dads wee hospital room and thinking he was sleeping until my mum started screeming what have you's done to him he's away isn't he reality sunk in a looked at my dad and crumbled I collapsed and I just remember my cry I've never cried like this before it was the hardest and most painfulest cry i have ever let out I wept and wept .

when you greeving for someone that's is still alive but is dying Is something I can't explain  it's hard to grasp the thought of what's going to happen and the unknown but the real thing is horrendous and utterly soul destroying it's true what they say the dsy my dad died was the day half of me died with him .

I cant even imagine losing you're dad at 17 honestly my heart hurts for you so Mutch epeshsly being 17 with you're full life ahead of you . 

Ive experienced losing loved ones before but I I've never experienced anything like this before it's a hurt and a loss that literally rips you're heart out my dad was my minder and i was his it's been 9weeks now I cant bring my self to go to the graveyard to pay my respects i feel like then it's final if that's makes sence . 

I'm so grateful to for my little boy in every single way .he turned 2 last week he makes it easier to get up and try be that fun loving mum again

 the memories of my dad and son just bonding and being so close will be in my heart and mind forever .

My down days are hard hardest thing I've ever had to deal with it's like a pain in my chest it goes tight and all these thoughts and emotion paralise me the what ifs are to frequent these days but memory's of my dad help ease it slowly videos of him are on repeat a lot even gazing at pictures for hours .

I'm hurt so bad I try to put a wee face on but greif creeps in to Mutch for me . 

Hope that wasent to hard for you to read Ive done it again I just started to reply to you before I knew it poured my heart out more ways than one again . 

I feel a sence of relief being able just to talk about everything for weeks now I struggled with talking about my dad but just now I feel like my heart is heavy but my greif is getting easier to talk about 

thanks for listening kaz 

my thoughts are with you you're mum and family xx

sending big hugs to you it's true what they say a hug goes along way 

take care 

shelly 

xx

Hello. My name is Lisa and im 46 years old. I had a seizure 3 weeks ago and was put in Intensive Care. When i woke up several days later i was informed I had Brain mestases, likely spleen and liver cancer and a recent spine biopsy confirmed it is in the  bones in spine. No primary diagnosed as yet further testing taking place on the sample. I have a meeting tomorrow at the hospital find out more prognosis details. Im scared not going to lie this is all out of the blue and what scares me most is the brain mets as this is not promising time scale wise. I dont know what the future will hold and I just want to spend as much time with my young teenage children as I can. I am thankful for every day, every moment and the steriods and anti seizure meds are working at the moment. Had to tell my Dad tonight which was hard. My mum has dementia and i want to leave her mind peaceful. I will update on here with the outcome and stay positive for every moment i can spend with my family. Love to you all warriors and warrior family/carers x

Hi Lisa,

first of all, I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through but thanks for sharing. I do hope that the hospital gives you some good news. Continue to stay positive and we’ll all be here for you xxx

Thank you Kazmat. Really appreciate your response. Big day today and I am going to be strong. Thank you for your support. Having you here helps me to express my thoughts honestly and free xxx