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How to cope with a loved one having cancer?

sjb-xc
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hi all,

im new to this and I’m just looking for some advice on how to cope/deal with the news that a loved one has cancer?

 

we found out last month that my grandad has lung cancer and it’s spread to his liver, both hips, pelivs and bones. There’s nothing the doctors can do for him so he’s now on end of life care.

i just cannot seem to process the news I thought as the days went on it would get a little easier but it’s not. I’m not sleeping, I just keep crying for no reason it just feels like the whole world is falling apart and I can’t stop it. 

I can’t stop what the horrible disease is doing too him, I can’t  take away the pain I just feel so useless to him. I don’t want to be in work all the time I want to be with him but I can’t afford not to go to work. We were told he has months left but he’s deteriorating so fast. We know it’s coming but we don’t know when which is so hard. 

How do people process the news? I really need to start dealing with this I just don’t know how.

 

thank you x

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    Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment.... having that diagnosis is one of the hardest things we have to deal with in life ...

    All I can say is how I look at life sinse cancer took me on this rollercoaster ride ... l think instead of looking into the future, live in the day ... like those hospices I know, they make every day count ... every day we get is a bonus ... a chance to make a loving memory... it doesn't have to be big ... it can be sitting with him, and asking about his life ... bet there's lots you don't know.... leave nothing unsaid ... share feelings ... admit your scared ... that's normal ...

    My mum died suddenly from a heart attack and had no chance to even say those things like I was so proud to be her daughter... or goodbye ... or that I loved her one more time ... what I'd give for just one day... just one hour ... you have that chance I never had ... and if you live in the day .. you will make every day count ...   sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx

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    Hi sweetie - awful for you & your family & very hard to come to terms with. You say you feel useless - well that's how most people feel in your situation but I promise you are not useless. Being with your grandad will matter to him very much & that's what counts isn't it? You won't come to terms with it overnight - sadly it's a process - it might take several days or even a few weeks but it will happen. You just need to take things hour by hour & day by day. Try not to think too far ahead if you can. Make the most of each minute with him & as Chrissie says make the memories whilst you can.

    We all want to stop the pain those we love are experiencing but the truth is sweetie, no matter how badly we want to, we can't so wishing it is a waste of the precious energy you can put into making your grandads final weeks as peaceful as possible.

    Know that somehow you will cope with the current situation & what is to come even tho' at this moment you feel you can't. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend. xx

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    Hi,

    Firstly I'm soo sorry to hear about your grandad.

    My grandad was diagnosed in June with Prostate cancer we soon discovered he also had it in his chest and bones stage 4 with 4-6months to live. 

    Unfortunately he's gone downhill rapidly and we are now facing him having a syringe driver put in. 

    I know exactly how you feel he's like my second dad and my world feels crumbled somehow even though we have a big family and I have 2 gorgeous kids. 

    All I can say is in the spare time you have go see him, talk about all the wonderful memories you have with him. It's still no easier for me to get my head round  but I take everyday how it comes and mostly just sit and hold his hand.

     

    Take care & best wishes xx 

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