Hey there

I have just read your post and couldn't leave without posting a reply.

Im so sorry to hear about your mum. My mum has incurable lung cancer and they have just stopped treatment as it is not working on slowing it down. She has gone downhill quite rapdily in the past 2 weeks and i feel we only have a few weeks left with her too. I have the same questions as you, why her? Why has it happened to the most caring and loving person in my life? I have been through the angry stage, i have not stopped going through the upset stage but i think it is so important that we spend as much time with our loved ones while we still can. I have a son and duaghter (6 and 3) and i have no idea how i am going to break the news to them, their nanna is their favourite person in the world. For me, i take each day as it comes and just try and fit in as much family time as possible. Tomorrow is never promised for any of us, we must cherish every moment x My thoughts are with you and your family x

I'm reading this with the same fear, dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer this week, but nay two weeks ago he was building my patio, now I face my life without him. I am so broken, it's unbearable. I've started having panic attacks when I see older couples together, knowing my parents won't get this opportunity to enjoy retirement together, holiday together, or be with each other for much longer. We may have weeks judging from his pain, he's fading in front of me and I am already grieving. I'm not strong enough to get through this, a black cloud is moving towards me. I can't bare to reminisce of our time together because it hurts too much, I can't breath. He is so sad to leave us behind, it's killing me. No one understands my pain, and I am told to get a grip. Everything has changed. I am truly sorry that we are going through this, it's so cruel x

Hi,

ive just read your post and  heartbreakingly I could have written it as that is exactly what has happened to my mom. So I truly understand how your feeling and my heart goes out to you. I’m hear if you ever want to talk or simply need someone to listen

My mom passed away 3 weeks ago tomorrow and I’m still in complete denial about. I’m still waiting for her to walk through the door any minute it is literally killing me.

As I mentioned above my mom has passed so please only continue reading if you feel up to it as I definitely don’t want to upset you anymore than you already are but thought I would share what happened with mom 

mom was only ill for exactly 5 weeks. She went from perfect health on holiday in Norfolk to dying in such a quick time. I still can’t understand it. It started with just a pain in her lower back we went to the hospital (as was a Sunday) and at first the doctors said it was nothing to worry about. But did a chest x Ray & blood tests to be sure, thats when it started. The blood tests showed high infection rates. She was then sent for a ct scan. Never been so scared sitting in the waiting room for her. Everything then seems a blur of one doctor and bad news after the other. The scans showed shadowing on her lungs and liver, they wouldn’t outright say it was cancer but we knew it was. She then had 2 different hospital stays while she had a stent in her kidney and a colostomy bag  as well as a biopsy of her liver. We all knew it was bad but had hope there would be a treatment plan once the official diagnosis was done. But her condition deteriorated and in the middle of the night dad and I got a call to go the hospital she has had a medical emergency  they couldn’t even tell us if she was alive at the time . She had had a severe seizure and was rushed for a ct scan of her brain. Never been so petrified in my life waiting for those results. The scans gave us the absolute worst results you could imagine . At least 4 tumours in her brain, along with the lung cancer spreading to her liver, kidney and adrenal glands. This was still all unofficial as they were waiting for the biopsy results. We were allowed to take her home for a few days then while waiting. We were so happy to get her home but at the same time it was terrifying looking after her. She was in so much medication and her condition kept deteriorating. 10 days later we get the call to go and get the results. We all knew what they were going to say but I was still hoping for a miracle. She has terminal lung cancer which had spread everywhere but mainly to her brain. No treatments available as she was too weak. She was given a few weeks to a couple of months. Macmillan nurses contacted. This was a Wednesday meet the Macmillan nurses on the Friday to discuss what would happen down the line . Mom wanted to go to the hospice when the time came. So we had a plan for the future when it was time and in the meantime my brother proposed to his girlfriend  and they we’re going to have a quick wedding so mom could be there and after as a family we were going on holiday to Wales so she could go to the beach. None of this happened though as she deteriorated dramatically over 48 hours and on the Sunday we had to call the Macmillan nurses out. She was put on the list for a bed immediately and we had hospice at home nurses coming out to help with her, as she was now bedridden. She was admitted to the hospice the next day and to say it broke our hearts to leave the house with her, knowing she was was never coming home wouldn’t come close. The hospice was wonderful and they cared for her beautifully but how I wish she wasn’t there. She was there for 6 days and each day she deteriorated even more. She passed away on the following Sunday lunchtime surrounded by by us all. She took her last breath as my dad gave her a kiss.

we never got a chance to process she was ill before the next thing was thrown at us and I’m still struggling with believing it has happened

this is something that happens to other people not my family. My dad is totally lost without her. It was their 42nd wedding anniversary while mom was in the hospice. Mom literally did everything for dad. She was (still is) my next friend and I miss her so much. Each day the pain gets worse and the thought of moving her things is breaking my heart . Her handbag is still hanging at the bottom of the stairs where it always is.

the only comfort I have is that her was in no pain. The doctors said you don’t feel pain from brain tumours so I hope that helps you a little aswell. Your mom won’t be suffering either. It doesn’t seem like it now but that thought will be comforting.

all I can say to you now is spend as much time as as you can with your mom and tell her you love her. We literally ended up living in the hospice room with her at the end end. There are no words that will comfort you, but please know I’m here whenever you want to talk. I truly understand what your going through and I deeply wish you weren’t going through it. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Keep posting on here as well, it helps me

sending all my love Lucy x

My father got a diagnose of lung cancer and a prognosis of 3 months. He lived abroad and so my family llooked into him being cared for in the UK, more so to be close to all immediately family. But in death my dad wanted full control to remain in his dream retirement home in the sun. So I took time off work and spent 2 months with him (my other two sister spent the last month) .I wish I knew now that it was definately 3 months and no amount of treatment was going to make him bette (he was offered 2 radio's for comfort)r. Instead I to spend every day just sitting in his room, chatting too him about the wonderful life and opportunity he gave me. t has been a year and 9 days since he passed to make matters worse I barely have spoken to my sibbling /this usally for us but in the circumstance I just feel so alone.

Macmillians help line was so good along with a bit of research to help me build my strenght to help my dad in his last days. He found it hard to eat in those last few months and this was a worry too but expected as advised by the doctor sometimes even fluids were hard. 

Wishing you strenght and Love as you help your mum. 

my mum is going through the same,,2weeks ago she was diagnosed with lung/iver/breast/ymph cancer tht is very aggressive she gradually went off food n just said she felt tired alot n within a week deveoped sepsis and was admitted to hospital,,now a week later shes bed bound and so ill..our familys heartbroken,ive never felt hurt like this the thought of losing hers unbearable,,,my heartt goes out to you im trying to take each day as it comes

xx 

Lucy I am sorry for your loss-wishing you and your family strenght. I don't know what to say. I lost my dad a year ago and aweek, my uncle a month ago and now a cousin is going through the same. I was lucy to get to spend the last 3 months with my dad even though he lived abroad, he too had lung cancer.

Life now seems purposeless, I regret not spending more summers and holidays with my dad I thought we had for ever. I now need to spend some time with my cousin but  since he shared his news with me last week I have been in floods of tears as we are so close and always have been from my birth even though he iis 18 years older than me-it is like I am going to lose a brother.Just wishing broken girl and you all love and strength and take some time where you can for self care, talk to people about your feelings, I didn't and ended up quitting my job as thir seemed to be a pocket of pressure-fortunately the work on do is in demand with agencies so am temping which gives me the flexibility in this year to go part time have without realising a little time.