Hello sweetie - it's very, very sad that you & your family are facing this situation. You say it's "awful to think this way", but you know truly, it isn't, and how are you supposed to come to terms with what the future holds for your mum. These feelings & questions are asked by virtually everyone who faces cancer & sadly, there aren't any easy answers. I wish there were.

The reality of it is, I think, that in asking these questions you are beginning on the long road to coming to terms with what the future might be. To face this at 23 is terribly cruel & quite understandable that you feel you can't bear the though of losing your lovely mum. 

You must spend as much time with her as you can & make memories that will always be with you. Talk to her about your fears for the future & tell her how much you love & appreciate her. Try if you can to take each day as it comes - tomorrow will take care of itself. By thinking too far ahead might mean you can't make the most of the present & that's all that people actually have. 

Your mum brought you into the world to live a life & that includes not only the good but the very, very sad too. Your mum sounds like a fighter & you are probably much more like her than you think you are. We human beings often bear what seems unbearable & you & your mum together will find a way to bear whatever comes.

Please do post here whenever you feel the need to talk - there is always someone here to listen & offer help & support. Don't forget sweetie - take things day by day & let tomorrow take care of itself. xx

Hi rachWBA so sorry that your mum has this and your woried she's not going to make it.  I lost my mum on  Jully 4th.  She had lung cancer and tumers all over her lungs,she had a huge tumer in the second vertibray of he neck and they couldn't operate on it.  She got radio therapy to shrink it a bit and give her sime time.  The tumer made her have a fracture in her spine and she needed to ware a neck brace for the rest of her life.  She also had a big lump in her chest and at the bottom of her tummy.  But not once did she complain.  She just acepted it and got on with things.  She never rang her buzzer for a nurse no matter how much she needed them.  I think it's just her generation  just got on with things.

My world fell apart the last week she was alive.  On the Monday before she died I couldn't face going to see her.  I was woren out with being in the hospital all weekend and from the pain of knowing what was going to happen and I couldn't stop crying.  I took the day off work and just stayed in bed and cried like I've never cried before.  But by the evening I wanted some company.  My dad had been back twice to the house for his lunch and tea.  Then he came home for a cup of tea before going down to see she took her night time pils and say good night.  I said I was needing some company.  He said why don't you come down with me to say good night to her.  But I said I'm in my PJ's.  He said well get dressed and come.  I'm so glad I did as it helped a lot.

She died on the Thurrsday but from the Friday before we knew the end was comming.  She'd had two bouts of pneumonia and was on oxygen and then they thought she had a chest infectiion and she had oxygen again.  But on the Friday before she died they took her off of her antibiotics as they wern't working  abd they now felt it was her lung cancer.  And she was so weak by then I knew that it wouldn't be long and it would all be down hill form there.  I know people always it's a relief to know their not in pain now and at peace but its true.  Although it's vey sad and upsseting it is a big relief to know that the pain that they were in is gone now and they are at peace.

Remember the good times, things she said and dig out old photo's.  And keep on going and doing ever day things you used to do before.  Keeping busy and doing what you used to do helps.  I also find talking to someone helps.  I have a few really good people at my work who when my mum was first ill I was able to talk to them about her and they would listen and try to give me help.  I find now I love to talk about her and mention to people things she said and done.  I really didn't think I would be able to cope but somehow I've managed to stay strong and carry on.  Yes I do have a little cry now and then when I relise what's happened and when I remember her but after a few tears I'm fine.  Just remember that she wouldn't want you to be sad.  As my mum said remember me with a smile.  And that's just what I try to do.