Hi there ...

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... and there's no easy way around it .. all I can tell you is what I've done, since my cancer diagnosis... after my masectomy ... I just looked at life differently.. not how long have I got .. but think hay, I'm here today .. I make every day a memory day .. I don't take one day for granted ...

I've written my letters, and arranged how I want my funeral .. told everyone what I want, and how much I love them ..all tucked away safely, till needed ... and even wrote a memory book for my amazing wonderful granddaughter... who's 7 .. with loads of memories of what we've done rinse she was born.. so she'll always know how much I love her .. she knows when I die, I'll be the little star next to the brightest one... so I can look down and see her every night.. and she can see me ... she's quite content with that ..

My mum died of a heart attack and had no chance to even say those things like I was so proud to be her daughter... she was there phoning me one Monday morning... at 5.20 she'd gone .. you have that chance I never had, to hold his hand... tell him all that's in your heart .. and make a lifetime worth of memories every day you get ...

No one knows if they have tomorrow... it could take any one of us .. so try to stay in the day .. sit ...chat.. and admit its scary .. share hugs .. don't hold feelings in .. that helps no one ... 

Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx

Hello

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My dad was told about his cancer about 3 months ago. He's a stubborn man and wouldn't see the doctor even though he had been sick for a year. His lung cancer is stage 4 and is invading his spinal column.

I don't know if I can say anything thay will help you. I can tell you I feel exactly the same way about my dad. It's delusional but I never thought I'd lose him. Or my mum. And now she is his carer.

He is eating less. Losing weight. Feels sick all the time. He has numerous heart and lung problems, has had 2 heart attacks previously. He has been medically disabled for years and it's so unfair that cancer is what's got him. He doesn't deserve it and I cannot accept how unfair the whole situation is.

I am the one who spends the most time with our parents (there are 5 of us) and I try so hard but I have 2 kids and I can't be there all the time. There is a lot of guilt and fear and anger in all of it.

I wish I could give you something to help. Know you aren't alone and I hope you can find some comfort from others during the awful time.

Wishing you all the best

Caroline

Sweetie, my heart goes out to you. I struggled with anger and a sense of powerlessness throughout my own dad’s journey. I made sure as time got closer that both me and my boys (15 and 25) had the opportunity to say all and anything they needed or wanted to say to avoid regret. I remember feeling like I could see a tsunami in the distance drawing malevolently closer and feeling utterly powerless to stop it. I would not be able to sleep as I was trying to hold back the next day from coming. I promised my daddy I would walk every step of the journey with him and that I would be ok no matter what the outcome. He knew what I meant and I was trying to give him peace of mind.

as for me, every night I went home I researched sites for cures, researched end of life stuff, prayed, begged. I think it made me feel like I was doing something useful.  I tried to prepare myself as best I knew how but ultimately nothing really prepares you. I decided to spend as much time as I possibly could just being with him, just being there. I have no regrets as a result. He didn’t want to talk about it so we didn’t but he knew I was there every step. I’m grateful for that opportunity xx one moment at a time and if the tears come, with him or on your own, let them xxx it won’t feel like it yet but I promise you, you’ll get through this xx stay in touch with the forum x

Hi, 

I've just made a similar post as I'm going through the exact same thing with my dad. I've just turned 29. My dad is only 56. He was on the brink of retirement, ready to see the world with my mum, live their dream together, ticking countries off their bucket list and he gets diagnosed with Terminal Pancreatic Cancer. It's been 8 months and it's finally getting a firm grip of him, and to be honest with you, I'm sacred of imagining my life without him. Petrified even. I don't think I'll ever get over it. But my dad tells me that I will learn to deal with it.

I've been asking all the same questions... Why me? Why my family? Why my dad? Were a Catholic family, always worked hard, always respected the laws of the land, and he gets this diagnosis a month before his retirement date. It doesn't get much crueler than that.

I don't want to call it a small positive, but believe me, you're not alone. This happens to far too many people. I'm sadly a perfect example. 

There's nothing anyone can say or do that will help. We've just got to keep going, as that's what our father's would want. Without a doubt!

I am the same, I don’t think I accepted it until I seen a photo that someone else had taken of him and he just looked so ill. My dad has always been a big man due to being playing rugby but for now all I can see is a shell of that former man.

in all of this I’m most worried about my mum, my dad is everything to her and I just can’t help but take on her emotions and I know it’s taking it toll on me but I just can’t help it, if I don’t look out for her who will?!

my dads chemo starts tomorrow and we will have to wait and see how his body reacts due to the fact he’s had his liver transplant but I’m terrified it’s going to cut time even more short and I will be left with even less time with my dad.

im completely lost. 

You seem incredibly like myself. I'm always the one that prefers to bottle up my emotions and put on a brave face, to let others know that I am there for them and to show I am staying positive for my dad. My advice to you is to continue to do that, but take yourself off from time to time and just let your emotions out. I locked mine in and refused to let them out and eventually that got that the better of me. I started taking my anger out on those closest to me because my emotions just built up.

In a weird way it is comforting to know that it's not just happening to me and my family, as that kind of answers the question "why us", as its not just us! It's happening to many and you're right, it ain't fair, but it's life, it breaks and takes the best in the blink of an eye!

We're a big family, and we will all get through this I'm sure of that. How, I don't know. But we will. 

One last word of advice.. Just make the most of time, and tell him exactly how you feel. Make sure you have no regrets before the time sadly comes. 

Thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and of course your dad.