In january my mum found out she had cancer.  She went through all the tests but they couldn't find where it was coming from.  She'd had a stiff neck for a few months and she just put it down to old age.  What she didn't tell us was in November she had had a very sore neck and it was sore into  the base of her scull as well.  She just took some stong pain killers and it seemed to get better.  Then she found two lumps one in her chest and one in her left hand side.  She wated till January so we could have Christmas she said.  Then on Mothers day she bent over the bath to wash her hair and she got very bad spasoms in her neck.  Went to the doctor the next day and got Co codimal tablets for what they thought was musle spasoms  But by the Thursday they weren't working so went back.  She was told just to give them time to work. Then we had a awful weekend and had to get an ambulance as she had to go to an A&E that was about 10 miles away and she couldn't bend to get in the car to go. We were then told by the doctor at the A&E he would come when finished there.  But by 7pm no sigh of him.  So we phoned for an ambulance but even though they wanted to take her to hospital a few miles away because the doctor said he would come we had to wate for the doctor.

At about 10pm a G doctor came gave my mum an injection and she said she didn't want any co codimal as it was making her head feel funny.  So we had less strong ones in the house and he said she could try them.  Then on the Monday she couldn't get her head off her pillow and it took about 10 minutes to get her down stairs. And she was in so much pain.  So my dad phoned for an ambulance.  After our small local hospital saw her she was taken to a bigger one in a town about 12 miles away.  She was going to be getting a head and neck scan on Good friday but because of all this they did one late afternoon there.  They thought she had a very large tumer in the second vertibray in her neck.  They then rushed her to to a much bigger hospital over 50 miles away.  What they had found at the last hospital was like they said a huge tumer in the second vertebray in her neck and most of the neck was now tumer and she had a fractured spine.  She was already in a neck brace by then. She also had tumers all over her chest and lungs.

She then stayed for about two weeks there and had a week of radio therapy to shrink it a bit as it was un oprable.  After that she was aloud back to the small hospital in my town.  She's been there since then.  I go every day like my dad to see her but as I work I can only stay for an hour every morning.  She's taken a turn for  the worst this weekend.  She's had pneumonia and then some more peneumonia and finaly what they thought was a chest infection.  But after beign on anti biotics for a week they stopped giving them to her on Friday as they now feel it's her lung cancer now.  She's so weak just now and just mainly sleeps.  She doesn't eat much now and it's such an effort for her to eat what with the neck brace and her just not wanting to eat. Takes about an hour for her to eat and my dad now feeds her as she can't feed herself.  She has her eyes shut most of the time now though not sleeping and can hear what your saying.   I've been so strong for my dad these past months but now I've lost it.  I just can't stop crying today.  The weekend has taken it out of me and I know she hasn't got long.  I just don't know what to do.  I didn't visit her today as I was just shattered and couldn't stop crying.I've just been in bed all day resting and crying.  I just don't know what to do.  I'm just so upset.  I want to be strong for my dad but I can't now.