Cancer Research UK main site

How should I feel

Jamac06
Offline

hi all, new to this wish there was a manual to help me understand.

my dad is 72 and terminal, I think he might only have days maybe longer left.

ive made peace with what’s happening and have ups and downs but I’ve had the most amazing relationship with him my entire life and he’s been an epic dad and granda. We are a religious family and I feel comforted that god needs him more than us but in my head I think I should be weeping and wailing that this is happening but im not.  I’m being strong as there are things to do and others to look after, I just want this over for him.

 

  • Offline

    Hi there ...and so so sorry your going through this heartbraking time.... lots of us have been where you are now .. and know the heartbrake .... l think it's the second hardest thing we go through .. it's never easy no matter what their age, we always want more ...

    An old saying l love is ... don't cry because you loose someone... smile because you were blessed to have had them in your life ...  so many will never know how it feels to have a wonderful relationship with their dad .. you did .. how amazing ... my dad was like the B F G ... even looked like him .. and you know l remember the stories he'd make up at bedtime ... the little magic tricks he'd show us .. 

    Make the most of every minute .. keep talking to him ... they say hearing is the last thing to go .. hold his hand ... that's all most of us want .. then remember he is more then cancer .. he's the man who held you as a baby .. helped you take your first steps .. watched you through your school years .. maybe walked you down the isle .. then watched your children too ..

    Cancer wants you to keep these last heartbraking days in your head , so you forget the good memories... it wants to be a victim too .. but don't let it .. he's the man he was before cancer touched him .. and your half of him .. he's in you and your children .. and you'll keep him tucked up in your heart safely .. where I keep my mum and dad ... we only loose them, if we don't bring them along .. and remember and talk about the good / funny memories ..

    Grief is really letting yourself feel whatever it's feeling at that moment ... it's saying it's o.k to feel calm .. it's o.k to feel angry ..or sad .. or cry .. or laugh at a funny memorie brought to mind .. if we give yourself permission to feel anything,  it's easier... to many want to do it the way they think they should... well I always say " it's not those that cry the loudest , that hurt the most" it's what's in your heart .. 

    I just say thank you to my mum and dad .. for the years I did have .. for the lessons they taught me .. for showing me how to try to be a better / kinder parson .. yes l miss them .. but l smile at those wonderful memories .. Chrissie

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Thank you for your kind response, my dad passed away 2 days after I wrote this post.  My heart is broken and im lost x

  • Offline in reply to Jamac06

    Hi, Jamac06

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Separation from my loved ones is one of the most difficult things for me to contemplate after a recent diagnosis of incurable cervical cancer 2 weeks ago.

    But the grief of separation comes hand in hand with love and is a sure sign of it. I believe that love is never wasted, even after death separates us.

    I hope you find peace with your loss little by little over the months to come and find your way again and that the love you have for your father keeps you warm and strong to enjoy life to the full.

    With very best wishes

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.