Hi Jez, I'm sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis. I lost my dad to lung cancer, and when it was first discovered (already in stage 4), he had no symptoms yet he had a 7cm tumor in his right lung and he passed away 17 weeks after diagnosis. As a family, we opted for palliative care as opposed to an aggressive treatment such as chemo and radiation. We preferred quality over quantity. Everyone reacts differently to treatment. Whether or not your wife would've had "several more months of a decent life" is anyone's guess but I personally  believe that God makes no mistake, and everything happened the way it was supposed to. "The Lord Giveth and Taketh Away (Job 1:21). I hope that you find peace with all the decisions made. Know that your wife is healthy and whole again, and cancer and pain free!

Hi Jez,

I've never posted on here before but have lurked for a while through my nan's cancer journey and following her passing. I wanted to write as your post really hit home for me in terms of what we have experienced as a family with my nan's lung cancer journey.

My nan was diagnosed just before christmas following some shortness of breath and feeling a bit more tired than usual. She was in her late 60's and generally fit and well. We discovered that she had stage 4 lung cancer and from then we discussed treatment options with her consultant and she wanted to try the chemotherapy and pembroluzimab to maximise what time she had left.

Unfortuantely about a week after this discussion she had a short spell in hospital due to developing pulmonary embolisms and caught pneumonia whilst there. She improved but her breathlessness got increasingly worse to the point where walking was very difficult if more than a couple of steps. This meant another stay in hospital as her lung had collapsed and they also put in a chest drain. This improved her quality of life (mobility wise) considerably however the consultant made the decision that treatment was no longer viable.

We were told to make the most of our time with her and sadly she passed away about four weeks later with the decline quite a sudden one over a period of two/three days. She had about 12 weeks from diagnosis to passing.

Whilst what i've written obviously can't answer those what if questions, I hope it shows that the unpredictability and cruelness of this disease is such that anything can happen; treatment or no treatment. As a family we had hoped that no treatment would have given us a couple of months atleast doing things that mattered with no appointments or invasive procedures for my nan to endure. That didn't happen for us but for others it does just as for some treatment does make a significant difference and for others makes them question whether it was really worth it when all is said and done.

The thing i've learnt through this journey looking after my nan is that you can only ever do your best with the circumstances you've been given. As much as I wished and wished, I knew I could never change the direction we were travelling in but we were able to make the direction of travel easier to cope with and more comfortable for her. Her decline and some of the things she had to endure were nothing short of heartbreaking and having to watch this strong women experience what she did has affected me in a way that I was never prepared for but it does gives me immense comfort knowing we did as much as we could to make things comfortable for her.

None of us can ever know what could have been if other choices were made, but personally I found the whole experience very emotionally confusing and difficult. Despite all the horrible parts, the sadness, frustration, anger, despair etc there were moments and experiences to find comfort in. I just hope that with time you're able to find comfort in those personal moments and experiences where they can be found, including in the choices you and your wife will have made throughout this incredibly personal and individual journey.

I don't know how helpful this will have been and apologise for the extreme length I just felt compelled to share our experience. 

Hey, 

Exactly the same thing happened to both my Mum and Auntie who were on immunotherapy to treat lung cancer. They both ended up staying in hospital with symptoms like temperature spikes and My mums lead to her getting pneumonia and has just rapidly gone down hill since.

Itll be interesting to see results of this immunotherapy in years to come. We were promised so much by it. 

Take care

L x 

Hi Angielic,

Thanks for your reply and for your reassurance. Your probably right but I can't shake the guilt at the moment despite similar reassurance from my four sons. 

Im sorry to hear of your nan's experience, certainly the suddenness of decline is very unexpected and hard to deal with.

I think your nan was very lucky to have such a caring granddaughter.

Hi, 

Thank you for your comforting words. They mean a lot.

Yes it will. My wife died three days after my post. 

All the best, Jez

I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's passing, Jez. Please accept my deepest condolences. We know that she is now whole again, cancer and pain free, and with the Lord. From experience, you might struggle with inner thoughts such as "Did I do my best to help her or could I have done more", etc. Rest assured that you gave it your best, and you made the right decisions at the right time. Nothing would've changed her destiny. I hope you find comfort in knowing that your beloved wife is resting in eternal peace with our heavenly father.  Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Warm regards. 

Jez 

I'm sorry to hear of your wifes passing.  I dont believe we ever get over it.  

I lost my husband to lung cancer in 2015. He passed just 10 weeks after diagnosis when he was just 54. He was given the option of pallative radiotherapy and chemo and considered that option very carefully before opting to take it, not for himself but for me and our daughters and grandaughter.  With the benefit of hindsight and if I had that time again I wouldn't have wanted him to take those treatments.  After he was diagnosed our lives were never our own again as he endured his treatments and in all honesty I don't believe they did him any good and made him feel utterly wretched.   

Dont get me wrong - I believe that the developent of treatments for lung cancers is vital and for this reason my family and friends have done fundraising for the Roy Castle charity. My hope is for earlier detection of this disease so that our loved ones have a better hope of a cure.   Once again I'm so sorry for your loss. 

Netty