Hello HellKat75

You are most welcome to ramble and rant here anytime you feel the need to. It can be very cathartic to just get all those things written down when you have so much going on and from your post it sounds like you have a lot to juggle at the moment. 

It very much makes sense to me that you are dreading the end for yourself but not for Mum. None of us want to see loved ones struggling and in pain. 

Know that we are here if you do post again and will do our best to support you through the coming months. 

Best wishes,
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator

I echo yr words fearing the end for yourself not yr mum I totally get you I am so so scared of if I'm not going to be strong enough for the fight that will be needed and so torn between wanting my mum to be free from pain but to not leave me . My mum was diagnosed Only ,yesterday inoperable rectal cancer shes too poorly to receive palliative chemotherapy so just pain management and stoma surgery.  Just lost right now .x big hugs to you n yr mum . X 

Hello there HellKat75.  So sorry about your mum.  As has been said this is a great place to ramble and say what you think.  Nobody judges you and  many people have been in similar shoes to yours.  You must be extremely busy which is probably a mixed blessing.    Is your son coping all right with his gran's illness - are they close?  Re your feelings about your mum's coming decease, sometimes we amaze ourselves how unselfish we can be i.e. by putting everything we can into what is best for our loved ones.  We know it is the right and loving thing to do and that we are still going to feel the pain but because we love them we are not selfish.  Keep up the good work.  Annie

Hiya, Oh wow it's all super new to you. It's a horrific merry go round. Huge hugs right back to you xxx Hopefully the surgery the pain management will alleviate some of the symptoms. Have you got enough support around you? Family, friends, nurses etc? Xxx

Annie, he's actually coping really well, albeit putting things bluntly. I told him from the beginning that it had come back and that she might not be around until this Christmas. He kinda shrugged and said 'I knew she looked ill, she'll be dead soon then'. (Thankfully, we're all used to his ways, even my mum lol!). 

She's really going downhill quickly now. But, her Macmillan nurse, district nurse and gp have been wonderful! I cannot praise them enough x