Hi rainbow ...

Just imagine I'm right behind you tomoz ... saying I'm here and you can do this .. if it does turn a bit awkward ... keep your cool ... don't bite .. but don't let her stop you .. if it's all a bit overwhelming ... wait till your in the car home and then let it all out ... 

You can do this ... no one would keep my boys from seeing me .. I'd come back and haunt them ... let us know how you go ... I'd soon put her strait ...

Big strong hug for tomoz ... your dad ... your right to see him ... you don't know how strong you are, till your backs against the wall ... and don't let her rush you either ... if you take control of the situation now it will be easier next time ...   Chrissie

Morning, I’m thinking of you today and really hope your visit goes well. It’ll be lovely for you to spend time with your Dad. Don’t worry about falling apart, it’s natural and if you’re anything like me and my dad we’ve often sobbed together. Then after a while Dad will say “come on enoughs enough no more tears” and then we try to move on to laughing. It is very hard but try not to beat yourself up for being sad and upset. 

Your life sounds full on and I totally get the not being able to focus, although I’m working I’m finding the focus bit really hard and because I’m not in the office it’s very easy to be distracted. I’m just trying to do my best which is al we can do. 

My kids are young adults so I have been open and honest with them, they know the truth but it was hard to tell them as they love him very much too. 

Sending my love and big hugs today xx

Hi Crissie and [@Persiepops]‍ 

Thank you for your support and encouragement. My time with my Dad was really good, Dad's partner was fine, at times she seemed a bit cold but I think that's just her and like you said he is my Dad so I have every right to be there with him through this. I think she thought she can do it on her own but  to be honest she seems just as broken as we are and I feel like she is just struggling. We told her we are here to help her as well as Dad and she admitted she needs our help. I lieft feeling glad my Dad isn't there alone.

We chatting lots about the past, I showed him my son's first boxing match video and he met my sister's baby for the first time. He seemed to get confused sometimes and was tired out. He told us he is going to build a model car, he already had a model plane to build but said he just won't have time to build it as it's complicated, that makes me sad but I don't think he would cope with the frustration of trying to do something that he is going to struggle with and possibly leave unfinished. 

Yesterday wasn't a good day i kept thinking my Dad didn't look like he doesn't have long left, even though we saw the signs he is not well. Today is a new day and I'm going to try and enjoy a day with my babies.

Hope you both have a good weekend x

Today I'm having a bad day and didn't know where else to vent. 

I thought I'd started feeling more normal, more me again but this weekend I felt myself sinking in to a very low place and today the tears have returned. My Dad doesn't sound like my Dad when I speak to him. It's not that his speech has changed more like it feels like I'm losing him before he has gone, like a spark has gone out.

We talked briefly about him starting his radiotherapy on Wednesday as it has been delayed and I couldn't find the words to be positive today. It felt like he didn't either. I got off the phone and replayed conversations We'd had when he had treatment before.... when there was hope and how optimistic he was and how positive I was because the other possibility was too much. Yet here I am with the too much and the tears keep falling, and my chest hurts because I feel like my heart is slowly breaking. 

Today is just a bad day x

Oh rainbow ...

Maybe you needed to let it all out ... you've been so strong, you were probly near bursting ... I've had a few "loosing the plot" days where I've just let it all out ... and I came on here and my ol pal rilleyroo held me up ... it's like drowning and just looking round for a life line ... 

You know the love and support you have on here ... we can't take it away, but we can hold your hand ... keep the picture of your dad before cancer ... push these thoughts away ... he's in there even if it's just a tiny part ...  yes your heart is braking ... there's no way round that ... mines been broke so many times, it's getting harder to piece together now ... but later that's what you'll do mend one little piece at a time ... though it always bears the scars ...

I hope you just writting things down, will take a little of the pressure off ... keep writing .. keep talking .. get it all out ... scream, yell, and swear at this crule cancer ... then once it's out, get back up and do what you need to do ... cancer wants to hurt you so much , you give in and can't take any more ... 

But get those boxing gloves back on and you look it in the eye ... your dad needs you now ... you need you now ... so look after that wonderful heart of yours ... and even if you don't see your old dad ... pretend you do ... he may still hear you through the fog ... keep calling him ... 

Sending you a vertual hug.... hold on ... Chrissie

Hiya, sorry not been in contact. Just to let you know my lovely darling dad passed away in the early hours of this morning. 

The last few weeks have been both the best and worse (doesn’t really do it justice) however I wouldn’t change it for world. 

Today is dreadful, I’m walking through treacle and can barely breathe but I’m so very proud of everything my mum and I have done. We kept dad with us at home and have cared for him day and night. 

I’ve got a huge hole  in my world which is now missing my special person and don’t really know how to move forward. I guess time is  needed. Sending much love and positive thoughts your way xxx

Oh Persiepops I am so sorry to hear this. I feel so devastated for you all. 

I am so pleased you got to keep your Dad at home with you both. What a lucky Dad to have a daughter that loved him so much and how lucky to have such a special Dad.

I wish i had the words to help you heal but your right it just takes time and nothing will fill the while you Dad will leave. 

Huge hugs for you and your family at such a difficult time.

I'll be here if you need to chat x

Hi Rainbow28

Thank you for your kind message and sorry for being so slow in responding. It’s  three weeks today since Dad died. We held the funeral last week in Aberdeen and I flew home to Brighton a couple of days later and my mum flew home to Shetland. Time is so weird at moment as it feels like a lifetime since I saw Dad. 

I feel very down and tired and am struggling to make myself do anything. I haven’t got the energy at moment to see anyone so am shutting myself away with my family. Thankfully I’m on holiday this week so have some time to get my act together. 

How is your dad doing? Xx

Hey, no apology needed, It is such a difficult time for you. It is perfect you understandable to want to hibernate and keep away from life. I lost my step dad a few years ago and just wanted the world to stop for a bit. It's hard to move forward when such a huge part of you is gone.

I am dreading getting to that point with my dad and it's hard to know how long he has left. The past two weeks he stopped speaking to people again, his sister really upset him and it set him back with how he was coping. Thankfully he is talking again but yesterday I struggled to understand what he was saying. He was slurring and muddled. He falls all the time now and sleeps a lot.

I'm off to see him this weekend. I'm scared of how ill he is becoming and worried about how I'll cope.

I guess I have no choice, just wish things were different.

Take care of yourself and thanks for checking in x