Good morning :) i was up at half 5 , i wake up angry everyday tho,  i keep thinking i need something from the quacks to chill me out but fresh air and birds singing for half helps wind me down .. and the coffee:/ im angry with life i guess it stands to reason.   I'm just worried im going to open my mouth at the wrong time...but keep sucking up ill keep sucking it up because I would overload with shame and guilt if i ranted what i wanted to at family :/ 

So that hot air is out on the page now,  my tone can calm a little in my head lol x

Allotment ? I adore allotments i have many memories from being a little girl and going to the allotments with my Grampy and our good neighbour Arthur. 

Now there's a place you know you might find him now should he ever go off the radar. 

Hhhmm time to say goodbye for today  etc :o im so glad he went with his own mind on that one bless you that mustve got your back up a little.  Everyone has their best interests for him i know that I do .

When you said he sounded like your dad again , that made me smile and cry !! I know what you mean there as my dad sounds different now, but his mobile has his voice recorded message , i shall treasure that for ever and more xx

I've isolated myself a bit much of late , but I know my friends wouldn't lock their doors on me I just need to emerge more , I'm off to see my dad again today so my mum can go home and shower and see the dog for a few hours,  she stays by his side 24/7  and no man mountain or hospital security will be moving her :) 

Xxxx

It's perfectly understandable to be angry, and I so relate to your comment about something to chill you. I was supposed to be working this weekend but am off sick and taking myself to docs on Friday. Work just doesn't appeal to me at the mo! And I just want to sleep properly but can't see this happening for a while yet! Also what a perfect place to rant and vent, with people who relate and won't be offended.

Dad's partner in some ways is fantastic and in others makes me mad but my Dad is a strong man and won't put up with any nonsense. I think she is trying to stop him becoming upset but being told you might not have long left I think he is entitled to be upset, angry, frustrated.

I am scared of the journey ahead, and of losing little bits of my Dad along the way, I know he is still my Dad but I don't want to face what cancer does. 

Your Dad is lucky to have you and your mum by his side, he must feel very loved x

Hey , how are you ? Have your spoken to your dad today? 

Sorry for late reply,  i was having a bad day yesterday and now it all makes sense , my mum called and said the doctors had to do x ray on chest due to crackling,  he has had infection for over 6 weeks preventing chemo to continue and unfortunately this has just destroyed him bless him  so they have decided to stop it all, blood pressure taking, blood tests as they won't act on them,  drips blood transfusions the lot,  i feel so angry right now , i know its not the doctors fault and I know my dad has had enough but all I can think is,  so you decide to stop treating him and that's that he has weeks if lucky.....  Sorry to sound so dark but I'm feeling to go kick their butt and say get those drips back on, carry on the obs dont just give up :( ..... and then i look at my dad and wonder what's fair,  it's not what I feel it's what he feels , and he said today just let me go .... devastating to hear but I have to honour is wishes,  i don't know how I'm going to keep straight but for my dad I will ! 

It really is all about our strength for them , that is something I've come to realise,  it's important to let him know you are a strong cookie at life,  even if you don't feel it tell him it . Yes it's ok to say we are scared , we are their little girls,  but it's also good to show we have them in us and it makes us strong xxxxx

Oh Rainbowrains my heart is breaking for you, your Mum and Dad. I wish I had some words that could help. I don't blame you at all for feeling angry, this disease is so unforgiving and it really is unfair, it's unfair that there is nothing more they can do and it's unfair that time is so short. Nobody should have to face this. Your Dad has been putting up a good fight sweetheart. What a strong man he is, you must take after him. 

I am falling apart again today, Dad's partner is making it difficult for me and my sister to speak to my Dad. She was very rude to me this evening , I eventually spoke to my Dad all through tears while trying to have 'normal chat. I'm so cross and upset. I'm going to see him on Thursday, he lives 3 hours away. So hope we can sort things out.  I just want to speak to my Dad.

Hi ya ...

The saddest thing I hear on here is someone keeping a child from a parent, or vice versa ... well you have a right to see your dad .. when you go be firm, and stand your ground .. you don't have to get angry.. just stay solid ... it's heartbraking... and really not fare ..the thing is, she's not married to your dad so you really have more right to be there ... and a good reply to her is a little "how rude" and turn away and don't bite .. that's what she wants you to do .. 

I'm so glad you two rainbows are holding each other up ... keep writting down your feelings .. it will help .

Let us know how it goes ... good luck .. your stronger then you think ... big vertual hug Chrissie xx.

Hey Chrissie 

I can never understand why families have to fall out when we should be pulling together.  It's hurtful and upsetting but at the end of the day this man is My Dad, I love him and I will be there. He needs us now more than ever.

Thank you for the virtual hugs, I Definetly need them and will let you know how Thursday goes x

Hi, my dad is also dying from a grade 4 glioblastoma in his brain. So I completely understand how you feel. My dad has always been my hero in all aspects of my life and my heart is breaking at the thought of him not being here. They told us in Nov the diagnosis and that he could extend life slightly by having radiotherapy. This happened over new year and dad is home. The radiotherapy is a no brained but my dad is now very confused and often not the person he was, although at times his personality does still shine through. 

Theres nothing that can be said to make you or I feel better, we just have to make the most of the time we have left together. I wish you well and am available to chat. Xx

Persiepops I am saddened to find you in a similar situation. My Dad starts his radiotherapy on Monday, he had it before but it wasn't so close to his brain before. He seems confused already and I am worried that the treatment is going to make him worse, even though I know the treatment wont fix him and he will get worse anyway. I can't seem to put in to words what I want to say, I guess it's just I know he will die but I don't want him to. I don't want to see how horrible this disease is and I am just sad. Really really sad.

I hope you are able to spent time with your Dad and please feel free to share what you are going through. Hopefully we can offer each other support through such a horrible time x

Really lovely to hear from you. I feel exactly the same as you do. I don’t want my dad to go away and I know that makes me sound like a child but it’s how I feel. My dad was strong and really fit and well, he’s 75 and I thought we’d have loads more years. I feel angry and sad and cheated all the time. 

My parents live in the Shetland isles and I live in Sussex so logistics are challenging for us. I’m currently in Shetland and am really blessed that my kids and husband are ok together and happy for me to be away for weeks at time. I’m planning to stay until mid April, but it’s not ideal as I’m conflicted all the time as to where I need to be. 

Would love to chat anytime. I’m also working full time (I’m really lucky to be able to work from home) so may delay me responding at times xx