Thank you so much for replying. I haven't had any replies so it means a lot 

Hi

i am so so sorry you are going through this. My son was on his driver for 2 weeks, until then 3 drivers were fitted to ease his pain, it was then that he slept and I realised I wouldn't speak to him again. Do you have MacMillian with you? They held us so tight. Again I am so sorry for your pain.

keep in touch x 

Hello,

don't know how to start exactly. my mom who is 56 years old, has been diagnosed with rare cancer that I don't remember name of the top of my head I'm sorry. And recently they have told us there is nothing else to do and we should just basically wait for her to die. In few weeks approximately 4-5weeks. Already one week passed and I'm really scared she's still too young. So to the point, she's in severe pain all the time and she always described her pain as 10/10. Last Tuesday she has been admitted to hospital, and they started the morphine syrange driver. It was lower at first about 120ml/h approximately I don't remember now. But after that the pain hasn't changed so they increased each day sometimes even twice a day. And on Saturday last week they let her go home in hospital bed and with Syringe driver, which was 180ml then. On Sunday they haven't changed anything with it and she was able to talk to us even if it was very quiet she was still talking and drinking from like a plastic tube water. Her eyes always went to the back of her head like she was super high from it I guess. And on Monday they icreased the dose to 200ml because my mom was still in pain, and she was mostly sleeping. Today, Tuesday they increased the dose to 250ml it rapidly changed. A lot. She's not reacting to us telling her anything , shaking her. She's not dead but she's like a vegetable like not real. I'm very upset about this and I've talked to district nurses to reduce the dose but they said " we have to make her comfortable and pain free". But I understand it's better this way, but I also know that she would want to say goodbye to us and be able to speak to us. I'm very hurt I know I should've done now many things and I'm upset that I haven't. Im heartbroken for her . And my dad, her husband is very heartbroken too because my mom has changed so much in such a short time. When we found out she got cancer 2 years ago nearly 3 we thought she will beat it but really I blame doctors because they were so slow to spot that she got her cancer back and have done everything very slowly when cancer was found it was small like a pea and then when they started doing something it has spread to too many places. 
 

Hi

im so so sorry that this is happening to you too. I completely understand how you are feeling. I wish more than anything that I had had the chance for one last conversation.

I hope you and your dad find comfort in each other and knowing she isn't in pain.

Sending you lots of love xx

I totally understand. If it is a low dose maybe ask the nurses if you can reduce for a bit to have a conversation with her. I never got to do that and wish I had asked.

Thinking of you lots xx

I'm sitting here now and my mum had driver tonight, I've been told 3 days for her,it was the worst decision I've ever made in life but I can't bear looking at her in so much pain , she's my best friend and  I can't bear the thought of life without her 

Oh that is so sad. I feel for you so much but know you have done it through love. It's awful to watch someone you love in so much pain. I know we did the best thing for my dad even though it hurt us a lot. Sending you lots of love and peacefulness for your mum xxx

I've been end-of-life/palliative care and have had a syringe driver fitted since Oct/22. 90ml/day of morphine with oromorph every hour, if need be.

For some reason I keep on 'not dying' and have actually started eating again. I do come close when/if I get an infection but so far I'm keeping on top of those with anti-biotics, which I generally have on hand in my COPD rescue pack.

Because I've been on morphine since diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma in 2016, I remain lucid apart from when I am ill ie. suffering from an infection.

I've been through the 'goodbye ceremony' a few times. The one thing I don't like is being rubbed with a thumb. People seem to think it's comforting but it drives me nuts.