Hi there and welcome ...

So so sorry your dad's going through this .. it is truly heartbraking to watch a loved one in pain ..

The one thing I've learned having cancer is, trying to be strong and "holding everything together" helps no one in the long run .. once I'd opened up to feelings, I coped far better .. we have cried together... hugged lots .. admitting we ALL feel scared .. and in doing that, even shared laughter... 

Things need to be said, and if you keep your feelings in, so will your mum and dad .. wer not super human, just human ... leave nothing unsaid .. your dad just may want to share feelings and getting frustrated because he feels he can't. . I talked about my funeral .. wrote letters to loved ones, and all my family let me discuss these unmentionable taboos. . In doing that I could concentrate on me ... l was so calm knowing I'd left nothing unsaid ...

If your dad is getting angry, it could also be the cancer talking .. it brings lots of pain that sometimes feels overwhelming... so just tell your mum it's not dad saying those things, it's what the cancer does to us ... one last thing ... you have a chance to tell your dad just how much you love him ... and weather he says it back or not, you'll be pleased you did .. and I bet he will be very proud of his lad .. for showing the feelings he found so hard to show ..  Chrissie xx

Thank you so much Chrissie for your reply, it means a lot to me, especially as your words are from your own experience. What you have said all makes sense, and you will enable me to sort my feelings out and do the right thing for all of us. They're are a lot of things I need to tell my dad, but fear of upsetting him has stopped me. I realise now he can't possibly be any more upset than he already is. I shall take your very kind advice thanks Chrissie

from Melanie xx

Hey,

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer three weeks ago and he's gone down hill so quickly none of us have even processed the fact that he's got it yet, let alone dealing with the fact that he's going. He's waiting for biopsy results which come next week to see if there's any treatment he can have. He's wasting away, hardly eats, just sips coffee, he can hardly walk now, is on oxygen. Just over three weeks ago he was fine, just had a bit of a chest infection. He's very very snappy with my mum and I know this is really hurting her BUT it's so much for him to accept. He's 61 and says he'd never even thought about dying and now he's going very soon and doesn't want to. He's having extreme panic attacks and it's just awful. I got told that the snappiness is to do with the cancer itself and chemical changes, that along with the shock and fear that your dad must be feeling is bound to change his behaviour. It's horrible to watch and I've told dad a few times to calm it down with mum but this is so hard isn't it? I'm so sorry you're going through it and I'd just go with the flow and do what feels right because everyone is different. My dad is enjoying sitting about telling us stories of his life, things that have happened etc he's also been away with the fair is a few times saying things that make no sense and sent me out for a bucket of KFC when we all know he's not eating!  We aren't really talking much about serious things were just being together but that's us going with our flow, yours will be different. Take care, I hope you're ok today. Xxxxx

Hi there, thanks for your reply, it means a lot to me. It's nice to know we're not the only ones going through this horrible experience. It breaks my heart to hear to dad speaking so horribly to us all, but especially my mum. She's trying so hard to be brave and support him, and he's being so awful. He even accused her of keep giving him drugs, when they're just his pain killers. It's an awful time as you know, going with the flow seems like the best advice.

Melanie xxxx

Hi Melanie, 

Its 5.20 and I've just gotten home from my parents house. As I was just dropping shopping off there literally 5 minutes ago my dad was accusing mum of standing behind him, crushing up all his meds and putting them in his coffee. She shook her head at me. He's been awful the last two days but this is NOT him. My mum rang me this morning breaking her heart over the whole thing and just like your mum she's trying so hard to support him and do everything. When I left earlier on today he was laughing and held her hand. It's so unpredictable and I honestly honestly understand. Xxxxx

Hi MiGi

It's all so very sad isn't it. My mum's had the same thing, my dad said she was trying to poison him with his tablets, she was so upset. We know it's not true, she loves him to bits. This morning when I got there he seemed to be ok, quite jolly but an hour later he was being horrible again. Like your dad, we know it's not him, and we must grit our teeth, keep that smile on our face and help each other get through this one day at a time.

Melanie xx