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Explaining this to a 5 year old

Elsie182
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My lovely mum was diagnosed with bile duct cancer at the end of November and we were told there were no treatment options. She’s changing rapidly especially within the last couple of weeks. I have a 5 year old who loves his Grandma dearly and I just don’t know how to explain any of this to him. We live a few hours away from mum so he’s not seeing it every day but he has noticed that Grandma is jaundiced and is very tired. How do you explain all of this to a 5 year old? Has anyone had to do anything similar? 

 

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    Hello Elsie182 and welcome.  Sorry to read of your mum's disgnosis.  I have cared for a few terminally-ill people and have found that the best way of handling letting your child know is to involve them in what is happening.  As you say your son has noticed that something is wrong with Grandma perhaps you can tell him something quite simple like Grandma is getting older and her body is not working properly and one day she will leave us because her body doesn't work properly any more.  Children will ask questions and of course you want to reassure your son that there is no likelihood of other family members going in the same way in the near future.  Answer questions and let your son talk to his grandma (obviously tell her that you have explained things simply to him).  I have found that while children are sad at the prospect of losing someone they love they will at least understand what is happening.  I have found that children worry when they know something is wrong but nobody is telling them what is happening.    When I was a four year old my parents took me (and my sister) to see my Welsh grandad who was dying from stomach cancer. I roamed around the house at will (we were staying in his home), went in and out of  his bedroom and talked to him about why he was ill in bed; even when he was bringing up stomach contents I was more curious than upset!  Overall I was sad but reassured by knowing what was happening.  Let your grandson see his gran as much as is practical.  I don't know if this helps at all but hope you can resolve it without stress.  Annie

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    Hi there ..

    So sorry your going through this heartbrake at the mo ...

    I can only tell you how we delt with something Simerla...when I was diagnosed with a grade 3  breast cancer and had to have a masectomy ... my biggest thought was for my amazing wonderful granddaughter. . She was 5 at the time... and we were inseparable. . We adore each other ..

    I've always believed in gentle honesty ... l was told lies by my family when I was really young and my grandad had died .. l never got over the fact ... so we told her nanny was very poorly, and had to go to hospital where the Drs were going to TRY to make nanny better ...

    Before going in , sitting with her one day .. she asked me if I was going to die ... l said the Drs would try and help me get better.. but if not, I'd be a star up there next to my mums bright one ... wed often said that was her star .. and that id look down on her every night, to make sure she was o.k ..

    She was content with that ... and even now knows nanny has a missing boob ... but she says the Drs took that to help her nanny .. l know it's really hard .. but children cope far better then we give them credit for ... they can cry and then 10 minutes later move on to something else .. and if he sees you cry .. he will know it's o.k to cry and not hold it in .. 

    My youngest was 7 when my mum went .. and I sat him on my knee and told him nanny was in heaven.. and she was happy because she didn't need her walking stick or tablets .. and although he had a cry .. he was soon talking about school etc .. think he coped well .. he still talks about his amazing nanny .. 30 years on .. if you can find the gentle words.. and be honest .. it will help him .. 

    Hope that helps a tad ... chrissie x

     

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