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Dad given two months to live.

MiGi
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Hi there, 

Im totally new here, I am just so upset right now and wondered if anyone had any advice. 

My dad got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer last week. It was a shock. He only went to hospital with a chest infection. He came home on Saturday, they were giving the antibiotics a chance to work and had booked him in for a biopsy on the 30th but this morning he rumg me and told me he didn't feel well and said he thought he may have to go back to hospital as he'd been coughing up blood for two hours. I got to my parents in ten minutes, planned on putting him in my car and driving him to A and E but he was in absolute agony. It was horrific. So I called an ambulance. Later on it turned out its spread to his liver and nymph things

and the consultant told dad he only had a couple of months left in him. Mums been crying all day my dad has just gone into a state of shock. I'm trying to blank it out for now because I have to be strong. 

So then they moved dad to a ward for the night. Mum was told she would be able to stay with him over night but when we got to the ward the nurse was pretty harsh and direct with my mum and told her she couldn't stay with him. She said she'd had three other people ask and the answer was no. I couldn't believe it. Her tone, her manner, it was absolutely awful. My poor mother. The nurse then said if she wanted to stay that much she could sit in the day room but only for one night until my dad "gets used to it". They asked me to leave as it was 11pm by the time he went to the ward and away from my mum before I left I explained (through tears) to the nurse that my dad had just been given two months to live and that my parents were terrified and gutted and dad didn't want mum to leave him. I also explained that mum has really bad anxiety and is very sensitive so can't deal with stress as well as most but I was so hurt and upset for my mum. It was a huge blow after the worst week of her life and she was crushed. I've left her now stuck in the day room all night and I just can't believe this is how it is. If mum can't be with dad he will give up straight away. He needs her. Especially tonight. I thought it was so cruel to not let them stay together and to speak to mum like that or am I being over sensitive and this is what it's like if you're terminally ill in hospital? Thanks so much. Sorry for going on. Xxxxxxx

  • Offline in reply to Brien

    Hi Betty,

    I feel for you, Covid is really awful. I was confined to my bed for 11 days the first time and I was so worried because of what we were all told about it. Can you get soluable paracetamol-even something like childrens calopl? I wonder if your GP when you eventualy speak to him could prescribe it and I think Boots deliver? You are so right, the care we get leaves a lot to be desired at times and its disheartening. We are so vulnerable when we are ill we really need support but that is lacking. I ordered prescriptions a week in advance recently but was then told by the receptionist that I was not allowed my medication and I had already been told-clearly there was a mix up with another patient because this was not me! BUT no, half way trying to explain it was not me she called another receptionist and they both stood there smirking and refused to listen. So I preceeded to have what turned out to be a panic attack (I thought I was having a heart attack) and they just led me to the exit! Luckily the pharmacy is linked so the pharmacist helped me to breathe and when I did eventually see my Dr, who is absolutely amazing, he didnt know what the fuss was about and gave me my prescription! I was so embarrased by my panic attack though but the next time I went in I was all smiles as I usually am and acted like nothing had happened. But I realy felt disheartened (again) by human nature! I cannot see why everyone and I do mean everyone can't just be nice and profesional while at work. Its not much to ask for and it would make dealing with health care easier and would have saved my dads situation, your husbands situation and our long term suffering as a result. I am not nice all the time, I have bad days and I get tired but I would never ever treat a person in distress badly ever ever ever. I can't comprehend it. 

    I do hope you are coping with Covid though but its early days, it lasts a little while so try not to worry and please just drink even if you might be up to eating much. Shout if I can do anything to help. 

    Lots of love,

    MIGI XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    Hey Billy,

    The heat is killing me too but I have never liked too much sun. Ill sit outside for 10 minutes but then Im back in and then out for another ten minutes with the children because they love it! Especially my eldest daughter-she thinks shes on Love Island I am sure of it! 

    Its really hard to keep positive when there is so muc going on but like you said there are lots of people on here who are really struggling so its a good place to get things off your chest and you guys supported me through the worst experience of my entire life. I still can't believe it happened and its great to be able to talk with you guys who really understand. 

    Im glad you and Bren are sort of doing ok, I am sending lots of love, hugs and kisses....

    MIGI XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  • Offline in reply to MiGi

    Drsr Migi

    Thank you so much for those words. You are still a great writer with a wonderful way with words. Love to you. My throat is actually a tiny  bit better at least I swallowed tablet on first go lol.xxx

    Bettyxx

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    Thinking of you both. Regards and hugs

    Betty

  • Offline in reply to MiGi

    Hi MiGi,

    I'm still doing fine thanks, I'm in for a six monthly CT scan today but that's just to check for any changes. As far as I know, I'm still in remission which is amazing.

    I'm working again on a contract for the NHS which is keeping me busy and out of mischief. Only part time, so not too much stress. 

    Still volunteering with CRUK on the health awareness roadshow and on the campaigns. We're down in Parliament next week lobbying MPs which is always interesting and a positive way to channel my anger about the current state of the NHS.
     

    When I was first a cancer patient in 2013, I never imagined that 9 years later cancer  services would actually be worse than they were then. It makes my blood boil when I hear politicians trying to blame Covid for the issues - almost all monthly performance targets were missed in 2018/19 before Covid was a factor. Things were so bad they tried to water down the targets. 

    I hope you're keeping well in spite of everything!

     

    All the best

    Dave
     

     

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