Thank you. I am so upset today. I emailed the coroner to ask him if he would write a letter to Mum  explaining his investigation and the reasons he came to his conclusion and he refused. He said that while the voluntary removal of dad’s oxygen mask and reduced oxygen may have accelerated his death it’s still the cancer that killed him. I’m not allowed to contact him directly (and the assistant can’t assist) and am not allowed to appeal his decision or discus any part of it with him. He based his decision basically from talking to two consultants at the hospital, and didn’t even call me speak to me himself directly, it was his assistant who passed on the message after a decision was made. We expected a meeting and to be asked questions by the coroner etc.... I really don’t think they are taking it seriously at all. I honestly feel like this must have happened a thousand times before because he is just not interested, it’s as if it happens every day and is nothing unusual that needs investigating. It’s as if he’s saying that as my dad was terminally ill he didn’t have the right to take his own life because he was already dying? Im sure there’s a logic there somewhere! But I can’t find it. Well all I can say is if he thinks an absolutely horrific death like that under those circumstances is completely normal and acceptable he’s in the wrong job as well. I also wonder what his definition of suicide is. I got mine from the dictionary. This is why changes aren’t made and why this is allowed to continue happening to people on here that we hear about every day. Officially my dad’s death will be recorded as cancer and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m beyond gutted. I’m absolutely empty. I can’t believe it.     XXx

Hi migi sorry things are going like they are, I'm curious about those two consultants if they weren't there with your father how can they know what happened, only the people actually there know i hope you can get something sorted for your own peace of mind can your solicitor help at all.. Billy 

Hi there, 

It’s because the one consultant oversaw his care when he first went in to one end of the ward (saw dad once while he was sleeping-I’m not even joking) then when he was moved to a private room at the other end of the ward a different consultant saw him (once for about five minutes)so although they weren’t there they were responsible for over seeing his care. This is what I’ve bern told anyway because I asked the same question. 

My solicitor dropped my case this morning because the value of the claim is nowhere near how much it would cost to get it to court so it’s not cost effective. I was upset but I understand that. I have got another solicitor now who’s explained to me what I need to do so I’m writing letters as I type here. 

I emailed the sun newspaper in temper earlier and they’ve replied wanting to hear my dad’s Story but someone said to me then that if i splash it across the newspapers I’ll ruin the chances of a proper investigation so I am so stuck on what to do. Thank you though, I am a mess today. Xxxx

Hi there ..

There's one huge question I can't understand .. from his ruling .. as long as someone has terminal cancer then they can end their own life whenever ... which I'm sure it's the oposit in reality ... as loved ones can face court if they aid .. so surly that contradicts his ruling ..

Like you said .. it's probly not uncommon .. and will carry on .. because the system is geared to not change .. catch 22 ...  but you should still be proud of your self .. imagine those who have no one close .. at least he knew so much love was right by him .. and that's what we all hope for .. a hand to hold ..

Whatever happens look after you .. be kind to you .. your one of those angels that are sent here to help .. and you have done that .I'm so proud to have known you .... sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie x

Christie, exactly. The nurse was freaking out accusing my mum of taking his mask off him and for a while there Mum said she thought she was being accused of finishing him off and imagined police being called but I did think the same thing for a few seconds too. That would have been murder I’m guessing. I doubt they’d have said oh well he was dying anyway who cares what they did?! I said to the coroners assistant if my dad had jumped in front of a bus to kill himself because he couldn’t handle the pain would that not be suicide then? Would it still be the cancer that killed him because he was terminal anyway.  But he said he couldn’t comment. I said the same to the consultant. She said it was the same as if a terminally I’ll patient refuses antibiotics knowingly that the infection would kill them. She said it’s would knowingly cause their death but you still can’t call it suicide but I’m only calling it suicide because that she what dad said he was going to do and then he did it, right in front of me!  It seems like they don’t want to admit the fact that dad did that while in their care and they don’t have to. I know it’s hard to get to grips with, im still trying. Xxxxxxx

My husband refused all medication in the hospital because he said what they were giving him was doing no good. Thats when he discharged himself. Gave up because of the pain. We had to borrow a wheelchair to get him to the car. I think this happens a lot more then the NHS will ever admit bcause its much easier to brush it all under the carpet. Especially when the patient ( not human being just patient) sorry for the sarcasm Just me being angry but especially when they have a terminal illness. Just costing money and precious time was the impression I and my family had. As I did not document anything just relying on my memories for what happened I feel its a waste of time complaining, But I am glad you are doing everything you can. And I am sure all on here will support you in whatever decision you make as regards the media. I personally think that would be the best wqay to go as everything gets into gray areas with attorneys. But you have my support whatever you decide. I am sorry this happened to you but unfortunately I think it may be happening to a lot of people, who don't have anyone to make a fuss about them and that is just so sad. xx

Hi Betty, 

I know and you are so right. I know you’re still angry and I am angry too. I know this must be happening up and down the country so much more often than we realize just from talking here. Your husband sort of did what my dad did in a way and it’s so life destroying for the people left behind. It’s hard to watch someone you love suffer like that and then the way they try to brush it under the carpet hurts so so much more because it just a denial that it happened when you know it happened because you were there and experienced all the pain yourself. It’s so mean and cruel of them and they really just don’t give a damn. They really don’t. But I care Betty and I know how you feel I think and I am trying to work out what ru do. It’s very hard to know what to do. Xxxxxx

It is more then frustrating . I spent a few months not looking at my husbands records and trying to forget the awful things that happened even prior to his death. I hate cancer but when Drs tell your  Dad or told my husband he would not suffer, Ted my husband was so disbelieving  and I'm sure afraid when he did suffer in agony. Not just the pain but  the whole system including the awfull nurses Sorry but I'm too disillusioned to say angels that I keep hearing nurses being called. That just annoys me now. We were at the stage we were happy to find a nurse who was just polite.  I see ads on TV saying how wonderful this charity and that charity was. Well where the hell were they when your Dad and my husband needed them?. The whole thing seems like some sort of sick joke. Please take care of yourself, especially the next few months, Your a great person and your family also need you. xx Whatever you decide to do will be right, even if it means doing nothing it is fine. do what you need you are important too. xx

Betty 

Betty I think we are all feeling the same way. My dad was in agony and suffered so much. The hassle just getting basic things he needed was so bad. He suffered the whole way through and I get mad when I hear people saying there’s no reason to be in pain they should be kept pain free etc... because in lots of cases the people are in absolute agony and no one listens or helps. We actually called the doctor a few times because dad was in pain and he said oh I don’t think you need more pain killers just yet! Bearing in mind my dad was a fighter and never complained unless he had to. I feel the same way about it being some kind of sick joke. Thats actually how I really do feel today. It just makes no sense to me all of this. I’m trying to write a letter and structure it like the solicitor told me to but it’s so long and there are so many questions (and this is just about the last 8 hours of his life) but I’ve done nearly half of my rough copy. I’ll finish the rest tomorrow then I’ll get my daughter to check ITV before I write the copy to send. I had a call from the call bereavement office today asking me that’s as the coroner was happy with things could I come in and register dad’s death. I said no I’m unable to do that. It’s a legal document which i am telling you contains completely incorrect information and I cannot put my name to a document knowing this it’s immoral and probably illegal and I’m not happy to lie. I told her she’d have to find someone else to do it. So a little while later the coroners assistant rang me and said the hospital had reported me for refusing to register dad’s death and I told him the same thing. I’m not refusing to register his death just that it’s a legal document which is false and I can’t put my name to it or have anything to do  with it knowing what I know and what I have reported. It’s not something i can do. So he said he understood but i don’t know what they’ll do to me now, but whatever they do it won’t because anything compared to what we went through when dad actually died. I just feel so hopeless. My mums life is ruined she’s been sobbing today, your life is so painful now because of what happened to Ted. I’m quite strong but it’s a difficult situation and wrong. Xxxxxxxxxxxx