Hi there, 

I just don’t think anyone needs to be in so much pain they’re screaming. I’ve had experiences like that. I’m allergic to morphine so after I had a c section with my twins and I was put back on the ward I was ok then when all the other mums had their pain killers they went off to get whatever I was having instead and forgot. I can handle a lot of pain but I was in agony. I had a really old “experienced” midwife “looking after” me and she just had a go at me for being a lazy uncaring mother. She shouted down the ward to her colleagues “ This lady has two beautiful girls and can’t be bothered with them, it hurts too much!” And they all started laughing. She dragged me into the shower screaming and it was only later after hours of me crying and screaming that the doctor came and told me they’d forgotten to give me painkillers (any painkillers! Because I had to have different to the rest of the ward. The midwife came and apologized to me and because I was so happy to be ok again I just said it’s  ok don’t worry. BUT I should have complained because keeping quiet doesn’t bring changes. 

I don’t know all of your situation but knowing what I know now I wouldn’t be a quiet patient and wait Calmly. Every time your wife is in agony I’d call an ambulance. And I would demand decent painkillers that work and a full look into what is actually wrong with her. Ie get a ward manager, demand to see the consultant and phone your solicitor right in front of them for medical negligence and ask him to come to the hospital for you’re first free consultation.  I have changed my thinking after this. I’m sorry i can’t help but people are dying in agony and it’s 2019. If the system isn’t working to care for our loved ones maybe we have a responsibility to complain like crazy and make a huge fuss every time we’re not happy rather than having faith and being so trusting in the people who are meant to care because in all honesty sometimes they just don’t. Personally I couldn’t watch or leave someone in pain it goes against who I am, Ive stopped to help a few people in the street over the years who have collapsed etc even just being there talking to them helps ive seen it. Maybe nurses get hardened to it I don’t know but my daughter is a student nurse and she can’t stop crying. She’s said she’s not even sure she wants to do it anymore after this. She says that this isn’t how you’re trained at uni, it’s not how it’s meant to be but she’s been on placements now and seen her granddad die and had her eyes opened to the real world. I am so full of doom and gloom on here and i am so sorry. I am the most positive happy person you’ll ever meet but some things kill a bit of your spirit don’t they? Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi migi yes i agree it kills your spirit im(always was chearful and caring) but lately i get so mad at the way things are going, i still don't understand when my wife has got an infection in hospital why didn't they give her something and something for her pain that works, same as me taking her home with dierier, soon as i got home i had to fetch some pads and things because it was all over the place, all the hospital was worried about was getting rid of the blockage, sorry I'm ranting a lot if i don't I'll probably explode, be interesting to see what the Dr says on Monday if i can get in touch, thanks for listening,... Billy 

Please raise a formal complaint detailing all of this to the Trust copied to CQC, don't be an unwitting part of the cover up. This is what the CQC describe as a "never event" - something which should never happen in a well run hospital. 

Hi Dave, 

So far I’ve had a meeting with the head of bereavement services at the hospital. Then a meeting with her and the consultant. I have a solicitor who told me to report it to the coroner. I’m waiting for a reply from the coroner to see if he will investigate. The consultant told me that it wasn’t suicide because he had terminal cancer and whether he’d died that day or the next day or a week/month later his cause of death would still be cancer not suicide. But I disagree and refused the death certificate and I refused to register his death using that certificate. I just assumed his certificate would say suicide because that’s what happened I didn’t realize I’d have to argue over it so that was a bit of a shock. I don’t know how to make sure I write to the right person or do I just wait for the solicitor to get started? 

Hi and so sorry for your loss .

My dad died 2 weeks ago due to stage 4   Foodpipe OC Cancer . My dad was treated very poorly from the NHS , started with a diabolical biopsy then treatment plan *** poor . I've never seen anybody suffer so much and it will haunt me the images of seeing him in this way .

I can say the only positive was his last 9 days were in a hospice where the staff were fantastic , i did not want him in no hospital at all . He was on a driver and they controlled the pain but he suffered, soon as he arrived there he cried and told them he wanted to go , ( die ). *** Cancer.  NHS a joke regarding some cancer patients especially older people . Shameful .

Hi, 

Since dad died my mums brother who is super sociable and through various projects he’s involved with knows thousands of people in Cardiff has been talking about what happened to dad and he said he can’t believe the amount of horrific stories he’s hearing about the place my dad died re treatment and end of life care etc... BUT nobody complained. And to be honest my mum wouldn’t have complained. She’s so traumatized I’ve taken over everything even answering her phone, she is in no fit state to even know where to start and she couldn’t find the words anyway all she can say is why? My dad was treated poorly all the way through and the amount of suffering before he even got to hospital and died is unbelievable. I said I’d complain about it all after he had gone but I didn’t expect to have to complain about his death! All the other suffering and lack of care just seems so trivial now compared to this but it’s not it’s all horrific and the same as you, it’s bad enough for the patient but they don’t understand the impact on the family. My mum will forever see this she feels so so guilty and responsible for what dad did in the end and I think she always will. I’m super strong and I can see him and hear him dying all the time, I keep having to physically take deep breathes and tell myself stop it focus on what you’re doing, don’t think about those things because if I do I don’t know where my head will go with it. I haven’t been able to work out if it’s lack of money, lack of resources when they’re ill but nobody seemed to know what to do or what was going on and the most hurtful parts were nurses attitudes and just a complete lack of care and empathy. And in the end they just didn’t do their job. It’s so hard and I wonder if it’s  worth you writing it all down and complaining. I feel like the time to stay quiet and be accepting of things has gone. For me anyway. I’m so sorry for what happened I really hope you’re ok. I honestly don’t know what to say. But sending you big hugs and hugs to Betty, Chris, Dave, Billygoat and everyone else who has been here for me. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I know the feeling I honestly believed right from the beginning they’d written my dad off, he was only 62. I couldn’t believe that nowadays they could be like that. It’s hard to accept and hard to process. It’s like I said before it goes against everything I am, I’m not medical but I’m a really caring person. I couldn’t do what they did to my dad and sleep at night. I’m devastated like you are and [@Brien]‍ Betty is the same. She’s suffering months later and that’s another tragedy on top of losing a loved one. I get mad if I think about it too much. That’s why I’m deep breathing. Talking here helps so much though. Xxxxxx

Hi everyone, 

Just an update, the coroner has ruled death from natural causes, my dad did not commit suicide. 

Whether he’d died that day, the next day or a week later he was terminally ill so that is why he died. So basically what happened in his room and the conversation I had with him officially did not happen. Wow. Im so grateful they’ve told me that. I can cancel my counseling now with the bereavement services as I obviously imagined the whole thing. 

Xxxxxxxxxx

Hi ... well bet your really relieved now ...  not ... but you keep writting everything down .. it's a long process and can take years .. but remember the hair and tortoise story .. bit by bit .. step by step .. you need to be in it for the long hall .. so don't use all your strength now ... it will come around .. try not to let that drown your emotions .. I know it's really hard to overturn his decision... but it's those nurses that ignored his pain and your crys for help from the begining of his journey to the last part ...

Wer all behind you .. but look after you too .. you've had a huge trauma ... and still living it ... so glad Dave has given his wonderful advice ... sending you a vertual hug..    Chrissie x