Hi Ffion,

It sounds as if you are going through the same heartache as I went through with my mum. She had breast cancer for 12 years before it metastasised to her liver, lungs, brains and bone.

I am afraid that none of us can predict how long your mum has left. The person most likely to be able to give you the best 'guesstimate' is her consultant, who has examined your mum, knows her cancer and medical history, her age and all other relevant factors. S/he will have discussed your mum's case with the rest of her care team at their MDT (multidiscciplinary team) meetings and should be able to give you a prognosis.

Many people survive years longer than predicted, whilst others don't live nearly as long as forecast. It is a hard road that you are both travelling and, I hope that you have a good support network behind you. How is your mum keeping at the moment and, how is she coping with this latest diagnosis?

All you can do is to be as strong and positive as you can for her. Instead of worrying about the end of life, you will find it so much easier to cope with it if you can make memories together. Ensure that she is as comfortable as possible and that she is pain free.

I do not envy you your journey and I am always here for you.

Please keep us updated.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi jolamine,

Thank you for your reply and your kind words. We think we will know her prognosis as of Wednesday and these next few days will feel the longest days of my life. 

My mum is in good spirits but she is in a lot of pain, and is needing morphine frequently to cope with this pain. 

I can’t imagine my life without her and all she does for our family, life is so unfair and everyday it feels like a dream. 

You’re right I need to change my outlook but it is so difficult not knowing how long I have left to cherish her.

We have planned a holiday in February but will she be well enough? I have been told she will have good days and bad days but what does this actually mean?

Thank you for speaking to me.

Ffion xx

Hi Ffion,

The next few days will feel like weeks, but you will get through them. Does your mum want to know her prognosis? Some people do while others don't, yet they are often willing for the consultant to let family know the outcome.

There is really no reason for anyone to be in pain in this day and age. They can give her other medication along with the Morphine, if she needs it. Talk to her consultant about this.

One of the problems with Morphine is that it can make your mum feel tired and the more the dose is increased, the tireder she is likely to become. Some days she will feel ok, others she is likely to be sleepy, nauseous, not hungry, refusing medication, sore all over, angry, demanding, confused, emotionally distressed, etc. All people react differently, but these are the sort of things that we tend to notice on a bad day.

Familiarise yourself with the end of life stages, so that you can recognize them when they start. Here's hoping that you don't need to worry about them for quite a while and, that you manage to get that holiday.

Ask her consultant about the holiday, as s/he may be planning chemo to try and extend her life, even if it cannot cure her. If they do want to give her chemo, it might run into February.

I am always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx