Hello rice1986,

It is normal to be having all these mixed emotions given what you have just learned, and it must be hard for you to know how to feel at the moment. On the one hand, it is amazing news that the clinical trial drug is working so well and killing the cancer in the kidney but I can understand why you are simultaneously feeling sad that it has spread around her liver.  Try not to google too much though as it will inevitably bring up the worst case scenarios and make you feel sad and overwhelmed by all these emotions.

I am sorry to hear your mum has been suffering terrible side effects and I hope the doctors have some suggestions to help her deal with these. Many on this forum will relate to the feelings you describe, and will know only too well how cancer has made them feel confused, scared, nervous, hopeful and emotional all at the same time.

I hope you will hear from others here who have experienced these sometimes conflicting emotions and that it will help to talk to some of the people on here who will know exactly how you are feeling at the moment.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator