Phillip87 I am so sorry to read about your poor Mum and your situation. I am not a medical person but my close friend/neighbour passed from Lung cancer. She was on morphine patch and oramorph (oral morphine) for breakthrough pain. When the doctor sorted out pain relief she said that there were lots of different things but morphine was the best thing for her. She was on oxygen. If her current pain relief is not enough I would badger the Doctor. We never got to this point but I think that nearer the end they may use a syringe driver to administer pain relief etc. My friend was in a nursing home so when pain relief was not sufficient nurse called Doctor. If she is at home then if it was me I would pester Doctor if Macmillan not able to help. A hospice would also maybe be able to give advice to you what to do. So sorry you are going through this Please take care and post again if you need to. Someone else may be able to give better advice but wanted to make sure you knew you were being listened to x

I was terrified of saying goodbye to my husband of more then 50 years. But watching him suffer the last couple of weeks of his life was a nightmare. We had been told he would not be in agony and there is no need nowadays for anyone to die in agony but he was. His words were "you would not let a dog suffer like this. " He did actually say this to the DRs and nurses in the hospital.  The ward itself was a nightmare with the noisiest of staff and visitors. He dischargesd himself and was more peacefull when he came home. He died 2 days later. This was only a few weeks ago and I am lost without him. Sad beyond words. So sorry for all who are suffering from this terrible disease.

My mom passed away back in October with stage 4 bowel cancer. She was 64. She also was in alot of pain in her final weeks which was extremely upsetting to see and my mom was a fighter and didn't want to admit the amount of pain she was in. 

In the end... She was admitted into a Marie Curie Hospice (hospices are brilliant and much better than dying in a hospital, it's very relaxing with private rooms and gardens and the staff always come and are so nice ) and they took amazing care of her and fitted her a syringe driver to help her with the pain but again without the patient telling them the amount of pain  they are in... They don't give the right dosage. The nurses have different types of morphine to give out once they work out by trial and error which is best for the patient. 

In my mom's final day they decided it was best to sedate her to keep her pain free and peaceful and she was just asleep in her final hours and she drifted away in her sleep.

Please don't be scared to say goodbye. I was dreaded the day I walked in and saw her sedated and I knew this would be the final time I saw her. They say the hearing is the last sense to go so I told my mom how much I loved her and how proud I was of her and how brave she was fighting the cancer this long. I never actually scared goodbye or told her she was dying as it may have scared her but I did  say don't worry I will see u soon.

Once you say goodbye say everything you need to say for you and your mom. X

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this pain and grief. Grief can be such a lonely pain and nobody really understands what you are going through because everyone experiences grief differently. I was 18 when my best friend, Marie died from a severe brain tumour, Marie was 32. I've never gotten over it properly and she left a baby girl on earth who had to be delivered when my best friend was dead.

My best friend hid her illness from everyone and nobody knew she was ill. She asked the midwives if it was normal to have headaches every day during pregnancy and they said that it was and not to worry about it. I'm going back years, the care has changed so much. However, we found out that she was also having seizures that she told nobody about, but people had found her on the floor several times. When she died she left a book with a page turned over and it was all about brain tumours. So even though she told nobody, she knew herself how ill she was.

On the day I got the phone call, which was a Friday evening. I remember it clearly. Being told my best friend was in hospital and they didn't think she was going to make it as she was on life support. I howled with tears. I just let them flow, they wouldn't stop. I knew she wasn't going to make it

Apparently before she died she was lying on her bed screaming in pain that her head felt like it was exploding. She had no pain relief, nothing. Her boyfriend called an ambulance and about half an hour later she was hooked up to life support. It was one of the worst times in my entire life. 

What you are going through is so difficult and traumatic. Please don't do what I ended up doing after I had cried for Marie. I blocked it in and started drinking and taking drugs. I went down a slippery slope. Allow yourself to grieve, however long that takes. Never hold back your tears, but let them out. There is strength in tears. I am thinking of you.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I hope the nurses and doctors can give your mom some relief soon as it is not okay for her to have to suffer. I'm sending you a virtual hug and lots of warmth through this horrible journey.

Warmly,

Northern

hello 

i lost my dad in Dec and he was in terrible pain and he demanded a sryinge driver himself and said he would refuse anymore tablets.. he was given a the driver the next day he was more confortable and happier in himself he even forgot the driver was in.. when he needed more pain relief i called the district nursing team out and they came within 10mins and gave him a shot of pain medicine into the driver.. my dad passed away with a smile on his face in his sleep... death by cancer doesnt have to mean pain 

take care 

L x