gosh it is the worse feeling in the world. My dad got sick over night. Last year and in April they told us to put him on hospice but we refused and still asked for treatment. He’s still here. He’s completely dependent my dad is a doctor so to see him as a terminally ill patient is so heartbreaking. I put life on hold last year so I can be his caregiver. I’m with him 24 hours a day. I’ve seen my husband maybe a few days this year. I haven’t worked I stopped being a competitive athlete basically I’ve given up on everything. I can’t remember the last time I did my hair or make up. The last time I laughed or felt happy. I feel like I’m a psychopath because of all the emotions I have. Some days for a split second I accept his illness but that’s it. I’m not even in my own state so I don’t have a car or friends. I’m staying in my sisters house with my mom. We still take my dad our couple of days a week to make things as normal as possible. I don’t cry in front of my dad and I don’t talk about this illness as much. A few times during the past year I did break and cry but it destroyed him. I know it’s the worse feeling in the world. My dad is my everything. I would really give my life for his. I don’t want to be alive if my dad isn’t here but my dad has always wanted his little girl to be happy and live life to the fullest. So no matter what happens I have to live. Maybe watching them struggle is harder than when we loose them? Because they’re so sick. Idk but you’re not alone. It sucks because I get so mad when I see people with their parents. Not fair but this is life. We all die.