Hi there ...

No matter their age, it's always painfull to loose a parent ... but from my heart, there's a time when no chemo, or radio will help ... when it's so wide spread ... would you really cope with your dad going through that and the after effects they bring .. or make the most of every day you have with him .. even young strong people find it can be so hard to have and someone like your dad , could make those last days / weeks / months unbearable ...

Don't look to tomorrow.. live in the day ... you still have him "today" don't waste a minute ... say what's in your heart .. admit your all scared .. lots of hugs and hand holding .. make each day a memory day. . That's what I've done since my cancer ... talk about his childhood .. how he met your mum ... ask him if there's something he'd still like to do .. or go ... pack a lifetime in to that time he has ... with your mum walk this path he's on, hand in hand .. and when you look back, you'll be pleased you did ... 

Big hug Chrissie 

Just one more thought ... Marie Currie really help with care at night when someone's on that journey your dad's on ... give them a ring and get info now for when you may need it ... they do far more then i ever imagined .. put Marie Currie in your search engine and bring up their site .. x

Hiya, thanks for replying everything you said really helped and made sense it’s so hard when someone has cancer it’s like being on a treadmill with no way to stop and no end to the pain heading towards an eventual destination... making memories is all we have left now but it won’t stop the pain of loosing him I understand what you said and mean though and I can imagine treating him would probably be worse for him in the long run

many thanks for replying 

first of all im really sorry for your news. i completely understand how you feel as my story is very similar.

my dad is 72 and was diagnosed a year ago with stage 4 bowel cancer. we were told yesterday that it is now in the peritoneum fluid. we were told that's it! no more else they can do to prolong his life. he should see this Xmas but not many more months after.

i am devastated too. he is my hero, my best buddy, my rock. 

So sad to hear your news too and I’m so sorry you’re going through a similar situation with your dad...

we we were not given a timescale so I have no idea how long we have left with him, dad had cancer twice before in his bowel but after his last cancer op they just left him and never checked his bowels or did colonoscopies or anything and I think if they had they would have found it sooner... too late now for what ifs I guess...

I love my dad too and like you he’s my rock why do bad things happen to good people? Some would say oh well he’s had his life, but to me it means no more  birthdays and no more smiles I really don’t know what I’m going to do without him, I’m heartbroken 

Hi there ...

Thinking of you ... and just want to send you a vertual hug ... and just coz they are older , doesn't make it any easier ... so hold on to each day .. always here ... Chrissie 

my dad is disappearing before my eyes.

he barely moves, doesn't eat much, sleeps only a couple of hours at a time. he's in so much pain but won't take any pain medication. and he's losing so much weight rapidly. my family have never experienced cancer before so this is all new for us. it's so scary seeing what happens to a loved one. I feel so scared of my own emotions. I am a single mum to 2 children. what if I breakdown.  what if i can't cope anymore. I'm scared how all this will effect my children too as they are old enough to understand what's going on.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm rambling on. this is the first time I've actually opened up about my own distress and worries.

Michelle 

hello, 

i know how you are feeling.. im sat watching my dad fade everyday .. he is 69 and now is in the active stage of his cancer, we are caring for him at home because he point blank refuses to go into a hospice which is his choice, we are getting lots of help from Sue Ryder.. we have carers come in to wash and change him, we have pallative nurse come in at dinner time and evening and we have night sitter nurses that come from 10pm until i get here at 6.30am, im lucky that i can work from home so have been working during the day from dads then i head home mid afternoon when another sister comes .. dads been hard work the last couple of days trying to get out of bed, being restless, chatting to people who arent there, he keeps telling me off for sitting on him when im no where near him.. he seems to think im taking him out on a day trip today also .. 

all you can do is be there as and when you can dont carry all the weight of his care on your shoulders ask for help its out there ... then the time you spend with him will be precious knowning his needs are all met. 

L x