No experience of cancer - father-in-law dying

Hi all. 

I posted for some advice in the nurses section but it feels proper to post here, too. My father-in-law has had non small cell lung cancer since September last year. Sadly he fell through the cracks and was only diagnosed in April of this year. We got the news it spread to the brain 13 weeks ago with 7-10 mets. It was untreatable with radiation so he's been on steroids to minimise symptoms. He's had headaches for a few weeks, and had an attack of dizziness, confusion and aphasia the day before yesterday. They're upping his dose of steroids. 

He's already exceeded his life expectancy of 8-12 weeks. I don't know if I really have a question especially... but I've never had any experience of cancer. Noone I know or anyone in my family has had it. You hear tales, but that's all. I'm trying to support my husband, mother-in-law and brother-in-law as much as I can, but I admit, I'm operating on auto-pilot as I'm in as much shock as anyone. Nothing really prepares you for this, and we still feel in the dark over how we go from here, with him walking and talking, with some fairly minor symptoms to the end stages. I'm trying to learn as much as I can so I can best support the family but there's not a lot out there for the 'middle bit' and that's frustrating, though I understand the importance of knowing that there is for variety. I guess I was expecting to find studies or stories for this type of lung cancer with n mets, this was our experience, or this is what it's like X% of the time. There's a fair amount for 1-3 mets, but not 7-10. 

I appreciate that I'm rambling, my apologies. Thank you for reading. Much love to all of you. 

  • Hello jennywrenny and a warm welcome to Cancer Chat,

    I just wanted to echo what Nurse Caroline said in her response to your other post  - cancer can indeed be so unpredictable and this uncertainty must be terribly difficult for you to bear on a daily basis. It is normal to feel that you are currently functioning on auto-pilot but rest assured, as Caroline said, "you and your family are both doing your best and that is all that anyone can do".

    It's nice of you to try and learn as much as possible and it can be really interesting to find out more about  studies or stories for this type of lung cancer, but as you say sometimes it is really difficult to find information that exactly matches your particular situation.

    I hope you will get to meet some of our fabulous people here on this site who have also been through the often traumatic experience of looking after a loved one with cancer in its very advanced stages. I am sure they will have some comforting words for you and some guidance to help you cope with the coming days and weeks. We're all here if you need to chat, as are our nurses on this free number 0808 800 4040 - their line is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm.

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Thank you Lucie. I truly appreciate your words. x