Last days

My mother in law is in a nursing home and has been for 2 months now. Bone cancer, basically spread everywhere. She hasn't been properly co herent since being in there and basically talks gibberish if she is awake. Yesterday morning we were called in as they thought she was going to pass. Breathing was very shallow and gurgly. She hasn't eaten or drunk a thing in over 24 hours.  This morning she seems back to 'Norma' talking gibberish. What should we expect. We were all told she wouldn't last the night.

  • Welcome to Cancer Chat simlou although I'm very sorry to read about your mother in law's situation.

    I just wanted to share some information we have on our website about dying with cancer as it gives a rough idea of what to expect in the last few days which I hope will help you prepare for, sadly, what is to come.

    I know you've posted in our cancer nurses section of the forum about this as well but if you'd like to get in touch with them more quickly you can do so by calling 0808 800 4040. This is a freephone number and lines are open Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m.

    Kind regards, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi there ...

    Just wanted to say, I've seen this on many occasions ... and to me it feels like they get just a bit of time before they go .. a friends wife, near the end, woke one morning and chatted away, smiled and had a good day .. then fell back into her sleep all the time mode .. it was like she was given a day .. and others have said the same ...

    I worked in a care home a while back, and just before my 2 days off , there was a lady that I cared for, just having sips of water and they thought she was near the end .. the chap in the next room, was right as reign .. after my two days .. waited for the news .. when l looked she was sitting up eating breakfast and the chap next door had passed ... 

    Sending you all a big hug ... Chrissie x 

  • Thank you, Today she has been really aggitated and talking but not really making any sense. She is on pain medication and now this evening she ate some soup and a mousse. I just find it so confusing. My OH hasn't slept at all but won't leave her to come home to have a sleep. Don't know what to do for the best?

  • Oh my hunny ... there's no logic, no rules ... my look on life since my cancer, is to go with the flow .. if they want to stay there, that's fine.. coz a lot of times someone leaves for a little while and they slip away .. so just get them what they need ... you hold one hand while they hold mum's...

    Hopefully there's no pain, and you know they say hearing is the last thing to go.. so never stop talking ... I wish I'd known that looking back ... so sending you all a big hug ... your doing well .. 

    Chrissie