Hi there new and lost.

I'm sorry and sad to read your post.I'm in a similar situation as are so many so trust me when i say you're really not alone. It's only when i look around and see how many friends and colleagues etc who have been in this situation do i realise how many of us there. Sadly it is a normal part of life for our parents to age and to fall ill. when I'm at my lowest (several times a day these days!) I try to remember how much my mum loves life and how much she has achieved. She's 78 which feels so young (where have all those years gone!) but i think if she were 98 it still wouldn't feel enough time..i also saw both my aunt's lose their daughters and it made me realise how much worse and unnatural it must have been for them. I can barely face looking at her things without wanting to cry and give up. They feel as if they belong to a different person and not the thin tired but still determined and spirited woman i love so much. That thought process is not healthy or productive but they are my thoughts and i must acknowledge them. Whatever happens she is your mum and always will be and will always love you more than anything. Hold onto that and when you're at you're lowest remember that you are so loved as cherished. I cry alot and it feels good to get out of my system. Like you i don't get much support from husband but that's ok as he's great otherwise and i know ill go to pieces if i talk about her and i don't want him to see me like that. I know I've a world of pain ahead of me but take consolation in the here and now plus the kids keep me busy but it truly kills me when i think they may not remember her but that said she's always be kept alive by me. Sorry for talking about myself, I'm not much support to you..i suggest one thing though, start saying no to demands if you need to. These feelings and what we're going through are so tiring and draining so it's great to unplug at the end of the day. You can't be all things to all people so conserve  your energy for the important things and do come on this site as there are amazing people who understand you and are ready to offer you all the support you need.

Chat again

Denise x 

Hello Laledwards.  Welcome to this forum where I feel you will find others who are going through a similarly awful time or have gone through it.  I am copying a link to some information on this website about caring for the carer and I hope you will find talking to others helpful and comforting.

https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/dying-with-cancer/caring-for-the-carer

It is some years now since I lost my mum to cancer - this was back in the 1980s when treatments were not so far forward.  Since then I have helped nurse neighbours and also lost my son's father to cancer six years ago.    My mum (and my dad, who died of pneumonia) are still in my heart and I have conversations with them sometimes out loud but more often in my head now.  Even though we know logically that our parents are likely to predecease us we are of course never prepared for it - they have always been here  and I cannot fathom how they could be leaving me now! But you should do whatever helps you - everyone has their own coping mechanisms.  Do you have any other close family - siblings, your father - I am not just being nosy but wondered if you had any close support.  Please do keep in touch and I hope you find kindred spirits with whom you can feel happy chatting.  Annie