Hey all,

Apologies if I’m posting in the wrong place but I am new to the site.

I have joined owing to the fact my previously fit and healthy Grandmother has been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and has been given only weeks to live. I am extremely close with my Grandmother, having been practically raised by her owing to my own mother being very ill all my childhood. I have also had my own ‘issues’ during my adulthood, being gay, making wrong life choices and even suffering with several mental health illnesses, all of which have contributed to me being judged and ostracised by family and friends. However my Grandmother has loved me without condition, never once judging me and helping me through extremely hard times. I have therefore have struggled tremendously to come to terms with her diagnosis and even considered taking my own life so I don’t have to endure this process or live without her once the time comes (please note, I have sought medical attention with regards to my consideration and whilst I cannot imagine a future without her, I am presently not considering suicide).

This ‘experience’ has been made far worse by having to deal with family who have paid no concern with my Grandmother as such before her diagnosis and some who have frankly treated her unacceptably, now in my opinion, feigning upset, interest and concern now she is dying. I am also struggling to deal with the fact that those family members are taking over the ‘situation’ and making it difficult for me to visit her, obviously in an attempt to make amends or make up for how they’ve treated her in the past. They have also requested her will details, started appropriating and dividing up her assets, clearing out her home and such, within days of her diagnosis. Although I understand preparations need to be made and such, I find the fact they are doing so abhorrent and ghoulish especially so soon after her diagnosis. I want my Grandmothers plans and wishes to be exacted as she would want them but owing to others involvement and the fact the cancer means she is rarely in a cognisant state to say what she herself wants, I fear they will not be as I am constantly being told conflicting information as to what she wants i.e funerary plans, division of assets etc. and whilst I have no interest in her assets and such which I have informed my ‘family’, I fear this will be distributed unfairly owing to others involvement. Also, owing to her cancer, my Grandmother only has short periods of cognisance so it is impossible for her to say what she wants to have happen after her passing and I am concerned that even if she was able, certain family members would purposefully question her mental capacity to do so.

My own health is deteriorating because I am struggling to deal with this whole situation and I am having extremely conflicting feelings on how to move forward. I want to be able to see my Grandmother and to help her fulfill any final wishes she has, but my family are not only making it impossible for me to see her but I feel it would be easier and better for my to exclude myself from the entire situation but this would mean not being able to see my Grandmother again. I am so conflicted as to what to what would be best for me as either decision would have an inimical effect on me, either my health deteriorating further or me not seeing my Grandmother again, which I know I will eventually regret.

I’m not entirely sure why I’m posting here if I’m honest. Perhaps just to get it off my chest or in the hope I find some clarity by doing so...