Hi there ...

It sounds like your falling through the cracks ... very occasionally the system mucks up... if I were you I'd phone her G Ps tomorrow see what they have to help you .. have a list of questions you need answering .. insist on talking to a g p ... not just a receptionist ... phone her oncology team and find out when she is getting help... if you don't get that info, tell them you'll make an official complaint and your not happy .. 

McMillan also have help line where they can tell you what to expect ... and how to get help ... it is out there, but sometimes you have to push ... gently but firmly ...

Let us know how it goes ... Chrissie x

So no biopsy as apparently no point. Shes gone mad she speaks about things that have happend long ago or just havent happend. She is in hospital no idea whats going on. Do people do this at the end she will eat now too!! So.odd i dont know what to expect 

Hi Sammie...

So so sorry ... it must feel like your in a nightmare and can't wake up ... I can't tell you if she's near the end .. as everyone is different ... but the way she is acting, l would guess is the cancer taking over ... I have known someone who didn't recognise any of the family in the last week's. ... and yes sore things that wernt there, she thought people were there who were gone ... even her grown daughter's she told to go away, she didn't know them ... and got very scared and angry ... 

I'm only guessing it could be Simerla to your mum ... just know it's not her, it's the cancer talking ... hold on in there, as difficult as it is ... just being there will mean a lot to you later ... I wish I could help more .. but there's no easy way through this ... hold on ...always here when you want a chat .. chrissie  x

I had to make choices for her. I decided no tretment as i knew this is what she wanted. No more investigations into the confusion as needles in the brain i dont want for her. The hardest choice was saying i wanted her in a home. I know she would never want that but she isnt safe at home and i worry how much worse she could get. I just want her safe and i feel terrible about it. Her confusion is stil there and she now appears very sad and today she had no energy to feed herself so i did that too. Even put the cup to her lips so she could drink. 

I just want her to be ok again im scared of whats to come and feel very alone and angry at the world. 

I hate cancer i wish i had all the answers to my many questions i feel lost 

Hi Sammy, 

Sorry late reply only I've had my 6 year old granddaughter to stay this week, so never had much spare time ... but I know how you feel, as my sister has vascular dementure ... we've kept her home for 3 years, and we all pulled together to help her ... but as her memory is now deteriorating quickly, she just wasn't safe any more, and she had to go in a care home ... so all those feelings are the same .. guilt, sadness, angry at the circumstance... 

I think you've done the right thing, not letting her go through more procedures then she has all ready ... l think there comes a time, to just hold their hand as best we can .. even though our heart brakes .. but you are being brave even you don't realise it yet ... you will looking back ...

So I'm sending you all a vertual hug ... and your right cancer sucks, so does dementure ...

Hi there ..

Just remember wer human, even though we'd like to be super human ... this is one of the hardest times your family will go through ... but we need to cry, holding it in just keeps it there till one today it pours out .. I find if I let it all out, and say to myself it's o.k to feel what I'm feeling ... I can wake up and feel ready to start again .. 

Your brother, must be finding it so hard as they feel they should be the strong ones, but it's not true, sometimes it takes a lot of courage to let it out .. I wish I could say something to ease it a little, but there's no easy way to let a parent go ... just live in the day .. and go with those feelings you have that day .. my heart is with you ... take care and big hug to you and your bro, and mum .. chrissie

So the dr is getting pain medication ready in all forms. Mom had some back and tummy pain. Shes more confused than ever and can barley answer simple questions its as if her brain just cannot answer. 

Finally a marie curie nurse is due to visit mom at the home tuesday. 

What will they do? 

The cancer from ct showed lung and lymoh cancer and a large adreanl lesion to liver. 

So this as i have found out is advanced secondary cancer. 

How long should mom have left?? This was all found out 1 month ago. And her confusion tierdness and weakness has happend fast. 

I dont know what to expect next.... any info would be great as feel so unsure of what now x

Hi ya ...

Bless ya, you must be so drained now... I can only imagine how your feeling ...  I think the Marie Currie nurses, give you a brake through the night, and will sit with them, that's my understanding any way ..

There is information on here about the end of life, and signs if you put that into search engine on home page ... I think @ask the nurses , could give you more information and show you some threads to look at ...  as I feel really unsure where to say to go ...  though I've heard it's a hard read, but will probly help you .

It's so hard to say how long your mum has, as some slip away quickly, and some seem to keep going a lot longer then expected .. my heart goes out to you ... and all I can do, is send you a vertual hug ...

Hopefully others maybe able to help you more, Chrissie

Hello Sammie5414,

How distressing it must be for you to see your mum unable to answer simple questions. And you must have so many questions racing through your head at the moment. Chrissie has given you some very good suggestions. It sounds like you could do with talking things through with someone who can guide you and tell you more about what the next few weeks or months might bring. I think rather than reading lots of information which may leave you with even more unanswerable questions, perhaps you could give our nurses a call on this free number 0808 800 40 40 ? Their line is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. Our nurses also have an Ask the Nurses topic area on this forum.

As Chrissie pointed out, Marie Curie nurses give nursing care to people with advanced cancer in their own homes. They can visit during the day or spend the night to give carers a break. You can find out more about them here and if you get in touch with our own nurses I am sure they will be able to answer questions you may have about what Marie Curie nurses do.

I think anyone here will tell you that it is very difficult to know how long your mum has left and what you can expect from the coming days, weeks and months. One thing is sure though, we are all here anytime you need to talk.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator