Cancer Research UK main site

Do we tell him he’s going to die ?

Sparky79
Offline

My Dad was recently diagnosed with a cancer and unfortunately there is no treatment available at the stage it is at to help. 

He has recently been released from Hospital after being in there for nearly 5 weeks and yesterday his GP went to the house and told my Mam that unfortunately he’s only got 6-12 months left. 

The GP didn’t want to tell my Dad as she said he’s so positive about it all.

Do we tell him he’s going to die or do we keep it from him to stop him worrying about what he’s going to be leaving behind? 

 

  • Offline

    Hello

    I'm sorry for your situation and wish you all the best.

    My dear late Grandfather felt a strong responsibility to make sure that he left things in order for Gran and he once said to me that he thought it was "an impertinence" not to tell somebody that they were dying if you knew because they might have things they wanted to organise or do.

    Everybody is different. Some people would not want to know.  My grandfather made sure that his papers were in order (wills etc) and my grandma knew where things were so that in her grief at least she wasn't worrying about the gas bill or where to find things.

    I hope that whatever decision you make, you are well supported at this important time for both of you.

    all the best

    J

  • Offline

    Hi Sparky,

    im very sorry that you and yours are in this situation.

    my own beloved husband died only 6 weeks ago.

    He believed until nearly the end that he could be around at least two years more.

    i knew it was months, weeks, in fact days but took it at his speed and just answered honestly the questions he asked, as did the doctor.

    i know you will be gentle with him and not offer any more information than he wants to know.

    Make the most of every second, even if it is just holding his hand or arguing about the news on television.

    The secret is to be gentle and keep the last minute “ mourners” away and be forceful.

    thinking of you on your journey to come xx

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.