Me.... I am the same. 

It's only because we love and care that we feel this way. 

I pray my mum will just pass away now in her sleep. 

I can't tell you not to feel the guilt but I know I do the same. 

I agree and totally understand you 

X

BECKS 

Hi Carebear74 , I understand completely how you feel. Its so hard to watch somebody suffer so much .

Just so you know its completely normal to have the thoughts and guilt you are feeling , its the hardest thing knowing there is nothing you can say  to make things better for your Mother in law.

You are being incredible by keeping her as happy & comfortable as you can :)

I promise the guilt will pass , and your consience will be clear. My thoughts are with you all on this most difficult of journeys 

Thanks Becks

It's not a useful emotion is it? Ive worked hard to turn off the sorrow and anger and frustration, but the guilt just wont go.

I know you and I will look back and be at peace that we were the very best people we could be, but for now it just hurts too much

Love from Carey xxx

Thanks Susie xxx

Hello Carebear74.  Whether or not hell exists is another argument but you are not going anywhere bad; you are being kindness itself; I think most of us would want to leave this life in the position you describe for your mother in law.  I sometimes think that cancer is even more evil than we thought; it is not satisfied with tearing the patient apart but wants the family and friends to suffer also. Just keep on doing what you are doing; which is so good.  Please do keep coming here to relieve your feelings; also you can chat to MacMillan Cancer Support who are knowledgeable and understanding about all things cancer-related (Freefone 0808 808 0000 Mon-Fri 9am-8pm).  If anyone tries to send you somewhere nasty they will be facing a picket line from this forum!  Please believe in yourself.  Annie

Hi Carebear74

I had the same feeling of guilt...I had to watch my mother deteriorate from the strong woman she once was to this lifeless body that could barely breath.  I will never want my children to see me go through that suffering and tha's how I justify it.  It doesn't take the love you have away, it's because of this love that you feel like this.

Initially I was all for the doctors not doping her up on meds but by the latter stage i was practically begging them to ease her pain and suffering. Cancer is cruel but you being there is probably more comfort to her than you will ever know.  My mother asked us not to leave her in the hospital alone so my brother and sister and I took turns and stayed with her.. We were all there to say our goodbyes at the end.  This has given me immense comfort since.

She will know how much she is loved...I think it may be natures way of allowing us to let our loved ones go.

Hi a very caring, sensitive and normal person. Why would you want to see a person you love so much suffer? How bad is it we need to rely on other and often as experienced with my mother people who don’t understand or are not good at caring. You won’t go to hell, you want what is best for her for sure. Please don’t let guilt overrule you, our lives are complicated enough as hard as it is we don’t owe anyone anything. As long as you have done your best and I bet you have she will go when she is ready. Have faith in god it’s what has kept me going x

The simple answer is "a normal person".

Everyone thinks that way from time to time - I'm not a religious person but I'm pretty sure you'll only go to hell if you do something to hasten her departure.

My Mum was a religious person but even she swore when she was in a similar situation and said "if I were a dog I'd have been put down a month ago!".Luckily they then got her pain medication right and she stopped hurting during her final days.

Good luck
Dave

I can relate to this too.  My Mum has been receiving end of life care for over six months now and it is heartbreaking to sit by her bed (I should mention she is in residential care who have been supportive beyond words).  She rarely speaks, does not want to be around and though morphine patches keep her pain free I too feel the guilt that comes with hoping her struggle in life can give her release. She was 92 just over a week ago and she just wanted to know why she had to have another birthday; it is just so very sad and even though I can offer her nothing other than my visits I think the guilt trips are perfectly normal given the circumstance though it does not make the feelings any easier.  Jules

Things are continuing to get even worse. Not only physically but emotionally. Her personality is changing and she swings between sweet and spiteful. It is absolutely pitiful. She has a will of pure iron and no-one can believe she is still here!!! 

I'm not the only one who is wishing that she would stop fighting and go peacefully, so that (and everyone's support here) does make me feel slightly less vile.

It has been said that possibly we are looking after her too well! Im not sorry about that though. Im going to do whatever I can to keep her comfortable until she decides enough is enough xx