Hi there padler... I'm so so sorry you have had that news .. cancer is so crule ... all l can say is there was a point before my op that I was sure I never had long left, and after shutting myself off for 24 hours, crying at the thought of going ... I really got all that emotion out ... I got up the next day saying o.k I'm here today, I'm going to fill every day with as many memories as possible ... l was not going to let my loved ones see me lay down and give up ... l wanted them to have memories of me living each day ... 

Cancer wants you to lay down and just give up .. every day you do something that makes you smile then your sticking two fingers up to cancer ... it may get all of us in the end, this journey is not about winning or loosing, it's about making every day count, and making memories for you loved ones ...

Yes there will be hard days, but if you reach out, and all walk this journey you find yourself on, together ..do things you always wanted to, go places you havnt seen ... and share a few tears... have lots of hugs, ..and leave nothing unsaid .. cram a lifetime in to this time you have ..

My mum died suddenly of a heart attack... no warning, l talked to her on the phone one Monday morning .. at 5.20 she'd passed away before I could even say good bye, or l love you one more time .. I'd give the world to have had just one more day with her, even one hour ... l never got that .. that's why I don't look at cancer as it's taking me ... l look at it like every day is a bonus... that my mum never got... none of us cancer buddies know how long or short our journey may be .. but grab every minute as a chance to leave those memories your loved ones will cherish ... you will live in their hearts forever ... big big hug .. Chrissie

Jeepers, I don't know if this is the right thing to say or not. I worked in critical care (ITU) for many years, clerical and reception. not medical. Doctors do not know everything. Some patients defy all expectations. One lady lived on a macrobiotic diet, which I won't pretend to understand, but she was still a fiesty individual several years past medical wisdom suggested. I don't mean living entirely in ITU, she was there on occassion folowing surgery. 

Take each moment as it comes. Nobody really knows what lies ahead.

Regards, gamechanger

Hello and welcome from me also.  I realise that unless we are in your situation we cannot understand your feelings but cancer survivors such as Chrissie have come close so do heed her advice.    I am sure your familyand friends are gobsmacked also but utilise them to organise some good things for you if you don't feel able to start doing this.  It is still very early days after your news so I don't expect you to just spring into action which is why I suggest that family and friends work with you to fill whatever time is left with things you will enjoy.   Who knows how this will turn out but being active is better than spending precious time fearing what is happening.  Again, very easy for me to say, I know but I should hate you to waste  time. Tell yourself that you will stretch the 12 month guestimate. Do things, take photos.  If you feel it would help ring MacMillan Cancer Support for, well, support; they are very knowledgeable and helpful about all things cancer-related and will be very happy to talk things through with you (Freefone 0808 808 0000 Mon-Fri 9am-8pm)..  Also, come here whenever you wish and tell us about your doings.

I realise you are probably thinking "this woman is crazy" but I hope you will find some peace and be able to do things that will give you great pleasure.  Annie

Chrissie thank you so much for taking the time to reply and with such compassion and good advice. I can't say that I'm not still struggling but your suggestion of cramming a lifetime into the time we have is good - and I guess I am releasing that I don't have a massive list of amazing things that I want to do, I just want to give and receive love, to laugh and to have peace in what life I have left. Suddenly nothing else seems very important...  

Thank you so much Annie. I am trying to believe that I can, through will and commitment (and of course luck), stretch the predicted time. And am trying not to let the fear cripple me. Not easy, but love and support will help. I now that there will be dark days and hours - as I am starting slowly to take on the reality, the shock of the initial news keeps coming over me in waves. Reaching out for help is important, because I know that it is my mind that will let me down if I don't take care of it..  

Any time you need to chat or vent about this journey wer on, you can on here ... no mater how you feel ... and if theres not lots left you want to do, holding a loved ones hand, sharing memories of times long past ... sharing fears, sitting outside, and looking around, listening to the birds ... a day at the seaside ... fish and chips, in the car, watching the world go by ... 

Doesn't have to be big dreams ... simple, I'm here today things ... wish l could spend a day out of time with you, with fish and chips, in a park, people watching ... l will have a vertual pretend one ...  see the kids playing ball ... there's a young couple, arm in arm (are they a couple or just having a naughty date) there's a family having a picnic...  there's people feeding the ducks ... and the seagulls swooping down to pinch the bread ... there's someone sitting on their own, looking sad ... shall we go over just to say hi, so they stop feeling down ... we can hear the laughter from the swing park ... well, l really enjoyed our fish and chip day ... let's toddle back to reality ...  big hug Chrissie  

Hi Lynne, and thank you for lovely words a b day ...  there was an old Buddhist saying l take with me on this wonderfully weird path of life , think it will mean something to you ... 

"Don't cry because you loose someone... smile because you were best to have had them in your life"  lve lost too many loved ones... and there's a lot of different journeys my family are on, right now ... but I think we do o.k in our family, coz any one that passes away... we sort of take them with us every day ... we remember all the best bits ... forget the sad bits of what took them ... my grandchildren have never met my mum and dad... but they know all about them ... 

Paul McKenna said in a book ... when you feel overwhelmed by missing someone ... close your eyes and relive the best memorie you have, word for word, smiles, laughter and how it made you feel ... go over and over till a smile replaces pain ...  

Sending you a big hug ... one day at a time ... Chrissie

Hi Paddler

I know waking up each morning with the realisation washing over you afresh is awful but there have been so many things today that have amazed me with their simple beauty and warmth. The yellow oil seed, a flash of yellowhammer in that tree, a raised lip and nuzzle from my friend Jack, my dog Brie with her brother and also with Jack, the late cygnets on their mum, a hug from my granddaughter, a belated birthday present handed to me by my son who never ever visits, just some of many I recall. In almost countless ways the good side of life presented itself today. I don't need a bucket list and these ordinary everyday events satisfy more than a once in a lifetime trip to whereever.

Writing of joyous events can help me so much and looking forward to more tomorrow can contain the darker night thoughts.

May you find solice and love and support to ease your mind and for you to have a rich rich life.

I hope you stay in touch here where so many wish you well.

Kind regards

David

Blown away by those photos dafra ... every day can bring a smile, it's just reaching out and finding it ... these have been my smile for the day .. Chrissie x