Cancer Research UK main site

Can't do right.... for doing wrong!?!

Monicaschild
Offline

Have posted previously about my mum being EOL. 

Just need to vent... why when I am doing everything I can for my mum...is she so sharp and what seems ungrateful.

The carers come.in and she smiles and tries  to speak to them..  her speech is impaired due to brain  mets. I try to help to eat. To drink. To be comfortable. To be warm enough . Cool enough . Clean. Mouth freshened. Do her hair. Clean her nails. Rub her hands and feet. Kiss her and tell her I love her. Hug her... cook her food. Make her drinks . And yet I always feel I am annoying her.

It's so hard. And I feel so upset by this. I am the one who will stop my meal to help her. I don't care what I am watching I will.help her. I will.sleep on the sofa to be close to her bed during the night.

Yet nothing. It is so hard 

  • Offline
    Bless you Bex, you are having a rough ride and doing your best to keep your mum comfortable. It. You have nothing to feel guilty about, it is so sad that it is often the nearest and dearest who have to tolerate all the anger etc in these horrible situations. As Annie and Jolamine have already said, you are doing a great job caring for your mum so that she has been able to remain at home. I do hope that you have been able to get some advice regarding your financial situation. Hoping that you all find some peace very soon. Caring thoughts, Lynne.xx
  • Offline in reply to littleone58

    Hi thanks Lynne

    I just feels wrong to feel these things. And I guess it just hurts. 

    As.for financial help... I have applied for several tnings.. but they all need me.to back up claims with evidence which is 120 miles away at my home. So I guess I am having to go home to get this soon

     No disrespect meant to Macmillan nurse bit sometimes their 'positive' thoughts get me too! 

    I am just not coping well at all right now. X

  • Offline in reply to Monicaschild

    Hay, in my expierance , its not her talking, it's the situation .. the same has happened a couple of times in our family ... where the one in pain is taking it out on the one trying most to help ... it's probably frustration and scared of her outcome too ... 

    We just support each other and try to look on anything positive ... my sister who's in late stage dementia ... her greeting is always "go away" just not in those words ... but she's fine after .. but soon as the confusion hits, does say things that hurt .. esp to her amazing daughter, who is so incredibly loving and spends every spare minute with her ... but we all chat about it ... keep things in perspective ... and most of all realise she would never have said those things before she starting slipping down this dementia ladder ... 

    I hope you have someone to help , coz this is one of the hardest paths you'll find yourself on ... 

    Take care .. Chrissy x

  • Offline

    Hi.  Just really want to keep adding my support and admiration for the way you are coping with this.  It must be hurtful for your mum to turn on you but really she cannot help herself and it counts for so much that you are so patient and loving with her no matter what she does to you.  This does happen when someone is very ill.  I think, in a sense, they are aware that a loving family member is with them and will be with them no matter what.  But it is difficult to bear when you are already stressed and sad.  Have you had any joy with Carer's Allowance?  If you haven't please do contact MacMillan - they will be happy to help.  I do wonder why life has to be so hard sometimes but you are doing so well despite everything.  Annie

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.