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I’m not sure what’s next ??

Lynne1981
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I posted a few days ago regarding my dad .

we were told last Tuesday  that it would be a few hours and he would slip away , that we should not go to sleep and be with him . 

 

We are now on day 9 of being told the same .

I feel bad I am beyond exhausted , my mum wanted my dad to stay at home but she is leaning on me so much to take care of everything I’m struggling and I don’t know how to tell her she needs to help as well . I know I’m probably snappy from being tired .

has anyone got any advice ?? 

 

Thanks Lynne x

 

  • Offline

    Hiya 

    You must be exhausted. Have you not got any carers who come in to your dad. 

    My mum is the same... but there is me and my stepdad ..but we still have carers. And so should you.!!

    We were told 2 weeks to a month. And here we are 6 weeks in. I have posted on this situation prior.

    It is very hard on the loved ones. You are not alone. 

    And as much as you love the ones who are dying..... it can really take it's toll. 

    Feel free to message me if you feel happier too. 

    Bex

  • Offline in reply to Monicaschild

    Hi 

     

    thanks for your reply , yeah we have home care that come in morning and night for personal care , I was doing it up until a week ago when my dad was becoming extremely agitated over me doing it and I didn’t want his last thoughts to be that I had to clean him and ensure he was ok .

    we also have the nurse that comes in once a day to refill his morphine driver . 

    He is very comfortable and not in any pain which is nice for him . His brother and sister are here also and have been staying to try and give me a break , but it’s like at night my mum just says I’m going to bed wake me if there’s any change , I’m not sure if she sees the bigger picture or if she is just wanting to believe it’s not happening . Even if I do get some time off just to go for a walk it’s phone calls to ask when I will be back . I don’t want to sounds like a whinging child and I know I do . I stay over an hour away so I can’t just go “just encase “ I’m feeling like I’m ready to scream . 

  • Offline in reply to Lynne1981

     Hiya Lynne

    Can you ask for Marie Curie nurse to night sit? 

    They can not guarantee to come every night but that would at least give you a decent nights sleep.

    This shouldn't all be falling on your shoulders.

    I find that know I am getting irritated so easily. 

    And it is like living in a bubble... I know how you feel. 

    What gets me is every day my step dad says "What we having for tea?". He was doing all the cooking till I came up her 6 weeks ago. This morning he asked.me.ecen before I had put kettle on for a coffee... as soon as I got downstairs!! Like the first thing I must of thoiggt about was .....WHAT SHALL WE HAVE TO eat in 10hours time. 

    So infuriating.

    Rant over

  • Offline in reply to Monicaschild

    Lynne,

    I was about to ask the same question about Marie Curie. My Mum had them over night and MacMillan during the day, plus family of course.

    Good luck

    Dave

  • Hi Lynne

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad and the difficult time you are all going through.

    Reading through your posts I can see that you have palliative care nurses coming in and the support from family members. 

    I am glad to hear that your dad is comfortable but I do think that caring for someone can become stressful at night, this is because there is less activity and less people around.  There may also be more time for your mum to think and possibly worry, so if you have not already done so do ask if there are nurses such has Marie Curie.  Having a nurse care for your dad overnight may allow your mum to sleep and prepare her for the day ahead.

    Please get back to us if you need any more information or support.  You may find it helpful to talk things through with one of the nurses on our helpline.  The number to call is Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open from 9am till 5pm Monday to Friday.

    Take care

    Caroline

  • Offline in reply to CRUK Nurse Caroline

    Hi thanks for your post , my dad passed away at 2am this morning , very peaceful and surrounded by family . 

     

    Lynne 

  • Offline in reply to Lynne1981

    My condolences to you and your family.

    You will be comforted to know you were able to be there at the end and despite the stress were able to help him in the last few days.

    My deepest sympathy

    David

  • in reply to Lynne1981

    Hello Lynne1981,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, on behalf of everyone here at Cancer Chat, I offer you our sincere condolences.

    Warm wishes,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Lynne1981

    Dear Lynne

    I am so sorry. 

    Xxxx

    Bex

  • Offline in reply to Lynne1981

    Hey Lynne,

    I'm very sorry to hear that.

    I hope you're feeling ok in yourself(as can be).

     

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