Hello mp108 and welcome to the forum.  So sorry about the news about your sister.  How much information do you have about her condition and what is planned?  Get as much knowledge as you can so you know what you are facing and don't have to worry about things that may not be as bad as you think.  I imagine you are closely helping your sister if you are both single but of course I don't even know if  you live close together.  I  understand your feelings as I and my sister are close and I would be very worried in your position too.  Do let us know how things are going.  Annie

Thank you for the kind words.

Sadly she passed away on 1 May.

I'm in a bit of a state, just cannot believe she is gone.  I always thought I'd be first so this scenario never occured to me.  Its nearly two weeks after the funeral and I still am crying my eyes out.  To think that I will never hear her voice again, see her at Christmas (we spent every Easter and Christmas together) just leaves me in pieces and that's how it will be like that for the next 20 or more years :(

To think how terrified she must have been when given the news but kept it to herself in order to protect me.

All the things we chould/should have said and done.

I cannot turn off thinking about her final last days instead of the many happy years we spent together.

Hello; it was kind of you to let us know .  Even though you knew what was going to happen all the time in the world cannot prepare you for it.  I don't know about you but at such a time I feel that we don't want to know that there is some intelligence guiding our lives and if there is then it is not one with whom we want to engage.  I hope your sister did not suffer pain and that she died knowing she was surrounded by love.

The only advice I can give is to break things down into one day at a time; do not think too far ahead at this time.  Do whatever might make you feel a bit better.  I used to talk to my mum - both in my head and out loud - after she died, holding onto things like my parents wedding photos (WW2, clothes rationed, my dad in uniform).  Never mind what anybody else thinks, just do what is right for yourself.  I am enclosing some information from this website about how grieving can affect you; it may be of some use to you.  But please post here whenver you would like to do so; so many people here have been in your situation and will understand your grief.  My best wishes to you.  Annie

www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../coping-with-grief

My youngest sister is dying of cancer stage 4 brain tumour now forming new tumours so hard to take after she beat breast cancer 5 years ago   She will die leaving her youngest boy still in school she is in a hospice that care for her so well but my heart is broken I cry so much my own children cry too they can’t understand why daddy who never cries now can’t stop crying 

Sorry to read this. 

I am not a counsellor so forgive me if I write the wrong things.

It's been almost two years since I lost mine and not a single day has gone by when I have not thought of her, and most days can still find myself crying.  The sadness is still there, as it is and will be for you.

Ofcourse your heart is broken and you will cry. It will get easier simply because you get used to the sadness and continue living with it.

I don't feel like I'm qualified to give advice other than can suggest that you talk to her as much as you can and reassure her that her son will have a certain future, be looked after and loved. 

Once my sister was terminally diagnosed she became withdrawn and I'm not the most talkative person.  Sitting alongside her in the hospice, very little was said between us, it was like my mind was emptied.  Only after she died could I think of lots of things I should have said to her but too late, so don't make my mistake.

Hi, I’m so so sorry to read about your sister. My heart goes out to you and your family. My youngest sister passed away April last year with a brain tumour, she was in the hospice. You will find the strength to get through this, she knows that big sister will take good care of her son.  When my sister was unable to cummincate with me I was worried that she would be frightened so I talked about anything and everything, held her hand, stroked her face, I didn’t want her to feel alone. I understand your pain. I will be thinking of you. 

Thank you for your kind words all who have posted and I know I will live through this but I don’t want to I want to stop the world and curl up into a ball and cry if it wasn’t for my own children I would probably give up now  it’s just not right or fair 

I could have written your post, my exact feelings when my sister was ill and some days now when I just want to stay in bed and not face the World. It is unfair and if you haven’t watched a loved one go through cancer you really can’t explain how devastating it is. The emotions you have are unreal, your world is crashing around you while everyone else is just carrying on as normal. You have to be strong when all you want to do is cry. My sister was given a terminal diagnosis, I don’t know how I got through it, but we had a year together shopping, eating, seeing shows, we laughed and cried. I am so grateful to have had that precious time with my little sister. Your children will get you through this, you don’t say how old they are? I will be thinking of you and your sister today. 

Today we got that phone call the one you know is coming but never want to answer and she is no more. How do I live never holding her hand again she who held my hand when we just toddlers will I always look for her hand in family photos where we line up together. This is so. so wrong