Questions About My Nana

I’ll try to keep this short. Just looking for advice. My lovely Nana is currently in hospital with stomach cancer. She’s 86, and has been told its terminal, and a case of palltive care only, and making sure she isn’t in pain. 

In the last 2 weeks she’s really deteriorated, is now on a morphine driver in her leg, sleeping most of the time, can’t eat at all and can sometimes manage a sip of water. 

The family visits, in the day time, she doesn’t want visitors in the evening as she said she’s too tired by then. I have a 3 year old son she adores, and really the only time she wakes up in the last 2 weeks is when she’s heard his voice. During visits now she’s mostly asleep.  We try to keep it to 2 or 3 visitors at a time.  

I’m aware of what’s coming, I know her body is shutting down, and she’s basically getting ready to die. What I’m worried about is, when she’s in her final hours, if this is noticed by the hospital, and I know there’s signs when someone is in the final day/hours, will the hospital let us know? I mean, it’s hard to put into words, but I don’t want my Nana to die without someone she loves there. It may sound weird to some, I don’t want to be there when she dies, but I also do, because I don’t want her to be alone in a hospital bed with some strangers in other beds when she dies. I hope someone, anyone from close family can be there, I’m just really worried we won’t know and she’ll pass alone! I’m 31, I’ve never lost a family member that I can remember happening, and just struggling to deal with it. She’s the most kindest, warm hearted person you could ever meet, never drank or smoked, always had a good diet, it’s really hard seeing her the way she is  just wish there was something more I could do to help her, but I feel really helpless. 

If anyone has been in the same situation, could you let me know if the hospital made you aware etc? I’d appreciate any responses. Thanks in advance. 

 

  • Hello Dave; so sad for you to be losing your nana but you appear reconciled to the fact that she is approaching her time to pass over.  Have you spoken to the hospital staff?  It is some years now since my mam died in hospital and even then they tried - not always successfully - to get the family of dying patients present if they were pretty sure that a patient was dying.  So I think you need to make your wishes clearly known.  This must (sadly) be a regular event in hospitals so they should  have procedures in place to get hold of the family.  Having said this you and your family should arrange that one or two people are the main points of contact - and to make sure they keep their mobile phones switched on at all times.  I know this is obvious but how often things go wrong because of simple things like this.

    This is going to be a hard time for your family; help each other, talk to each other and I hope you will come back here if you want to discuss how you are feeling.  Best wishes.  Annie