Hello mjd.  I am sorry you are so distressed.  I of course don't know the history of your mom's illness but she quite possibly did think she was going to recover especially in the early days. This is not uncommon but I think over the years she may have eventually realised that this was not going to happen.  She may not have said anything because she didn't want to upset her family.  Do you have family who are helping to care for your mother;  is she at home?   I ask these question because I wonder if you are talking about things with other members of  your family.    Don't suffer all by yourself; it is good that you have come here where there are so many people who have lost parents and feel a wide variety of emotions about what is happening.  I imagine your mother may have had enough of this painful battle so continue what you have been doing; give your mum your love and your care.  You can talk to the nurses here on Freefone 0808 800 4040 when you are feeling very low; Or of course come back here and post at any time.  Please be kinder to yourself.  Annie

Thnx for ur kind words.. 

She's at home but we're gonna have to take her to a hospital because of the low blood pressure 

I do have my sister, father, and several other cousins who are helping

I just want to know.. does it get easier? 

Am 19 and I feel like I still need my mother around.. because.. she is my mother.. 

The thing that keeps me from harming myself is the rest of my family.. I need to stay strong to help getting through this

But am depressed 

It hurts me so much when I remember her laugh.. us talking with each other.. it's my mum u know

I just can't stop crying 

Go a d see your gp a d tell them how your feeling.... it’s ok to feel like this at a terrible time.... please get some help for yourself x

huge Hugs 

Hello again mjd.  19 is too young to lose your mother.  I hope you are talking about how you feel to the family members who are closest to you. I also see that Lucie has given you a link to riprap so please do give it a go and I hope you can find it helps to talk to others in your age group who are going through this terrible experience.  There is also a similar charity called Hope Support which is also for people in your age group who have a close family member with cancer.  As well as online supporrt it runs social activities in the Gloucestershire and Herefordshire areas where I imagine they are based.  Take a look at their website to get the full picture of how they operate.

http://www.hopesupport.org.uk/

I think it would help you to talk to others who are in a similar position.  Some of the members have already lost their family members to cancer and I hope they can tell you how they are doing and how they coped.  It will always take time and support to get you through this so please don't try to struggle alone.    As you so rightly say, this is your mother and she is irreplaceable.  Let us know how you are doing.  Annie

Mjd, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I feel your pain as I am only 21 and am dealing with my dad dying. It must have been really hard to deal with this for 6 years. I agree that this illness is cruel. It's so terrible to watch your family member suffer. Everyone always has hope in the beginning which I think is good since the future is really unknown. Unfortunately, when death approaches, the only thing you can do is stay close to your family and remember that your mom will be with you in memories and in your heart. It isn't as good as the realy thing, but knowning she will no longer be suffering can be a peaceful feeling. I see what my dad is going through now and it's hard not being able to do anything. I hope this time with your mother is wonderful and she is happy to spend it with her family. I am very depressed too and I think this is a very natural response. Talk to your family about your emotions. Somtimes I just like talking to my family and crying. It makes me feel a lot better for the moment. I hope as time goes on you will not be so depressed. You have a whole life ahead of you!

This is so heartbreaking my mum died four months ago and I'm struggling but getting there your so young I'm 42 and finding it hard, I feel for you and your mum, there is nothing that can ever make you feel better please just try and get through this  the only thing that gets me through is knowing my mum would say stop crying I hear her now , stay strong thinking of you xx