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I’m dying who will look after my kids

Squirrel3
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I have pancreatic cancer that is terminal and have been given months to live 

 

i feel eel that I’ve let my kids down as there stepfather who has given them a wonderful inclusive holiday recently and taken my daughter to violin lessons and sat in the car 1:30hrs waiting for her has said he is worried that he raises kids differently to me and is concerned that it will impact on my kids also he doesn’t get on with my eldest who is transgender not because he is a she now but that have always had a less that good relationship 

 

he he will try raise my teenage but not my College kid as they clash there dad’s been on depression sick leave so not worked since I left him and besides the distance meaning she my kids would have to completely upheave themselves school friends and all he has never financially suppress them and I’m concerned that his depression will affect them as the eldest doesn’t want to visit that often 

 

basicly Im at a loss my younger daughter may be ok staying with stepdad as I have a good friends network and she is under council with st Francis hospice locally 

 

but it I fear greatly for my eldest transgender daughter whom is under the mental health where can she go she is nearly 19 

 

pls advise as I only have months to solve something I have been trying to sole for menu years regarding my eldest 

 

pls try help me before I run out of time 

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    Hi squirrel ... so sorry you have been put in this possision ... no mater how old our kids are, they are still our babies ... and being trans gender, you must worry even more... as much as this world has changed, it can still be cruel to those who have a different journey ... l remember how having a young family l thought that was the scariest ... who would love my kids like I did ...

    Have you rang McMillan... I'm sure if you tell them how you are worried, they may give you info on how to help her ... her age is against her as if she were a tad younger the council would help ... does she have a job yet ... maybe she could get a bed sit ... and you could teach her how to pay bills while still having enough for food ... does she have a good relationship with any other family or friends ..

    I hope you can find some help, or someone comes along with more info then me ... sending you a big hug .. from one mum to another ... let us know how you go ... always here most days ... if you need a shoulder to lean on at this time ... Chrissie

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    Hello squirrel.  I am so sorry that you and your family have found yourselves in this situation.  I am not particularly  knowledgeable about what to do in this situation but I will try to make suggestions.  Firstly, it sounds as though your younger daughter will be okay and happy with her stepdad.  Regarding your elder daughter: would it be possible for one of your good friends with whom she gets along to take her in out of kindness?    She does not have to be with family.  As she has mental health issues you could involve your local Social Services; they have adult social care teams who could perhaps help you resolve this.  Also, do you have any other family members with whom she gets along okay and who might help in these awful circumstances.

    And how about you?  What support are you getting?  If you haven't already done so why don't you contact MacMillan Cancer Support who have vast experience of all the problems which a diagnosis of cancer can throw up.  Their Freefone number is 0808 808 0000.  They will be of help to you and may have some ideas of their own about how to help your daughters after you have gone.

    I am guessing that you have already had contact with one or more of the organisations who help with transgender issues.  They will be well used to family problems and may be able to offer some ideas.

    Sorry if you have already investigated these routes; please keep in touch in any event.  Others here may have more suggestions.    Annie

     

  • Offline in reply to Annieliz
    I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you've already done an amazing job of raising your kids and you must be so proud. Have you tried pointing her in the direction of local LGBT groups or trans networks? What area do you live in? Because being LGBT can sometimes be isolating for those not lucky enough to have mums like you, there is great strength within the community and people form family-like networks supporting each other. It may be of some support to her to meet like-minded people.x

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