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An update/Questions to ask my Dad who is dying

katyw
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We found out today the doctors believe that my Dad will pass in between 4-6 weeks time. (My birthday is on the 28th so I am worried it will be then) I am creating a list of things I am asking him to answer for me while he is still well enough to answer. I am scared I will miss questions so I was wondering if there was any that others wish they asked or asked someone who is passing?

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    Hi Katy. . Bless ya, so many people don't want to ask those questions as they are worried it may up set ...but you don't get that chance when they are gone, and your dad may want to talk about things he needs to too ... my mum told me a few months before she passed , things she wanted people to have and I'm so glad l listened, as a couple of months later she had a heart attack and l would have not known what she wanted if I'd not listened... 

    I honestly can't think of what I'd have asked her, if l were in your position... but I'd have held her hand.. and told her l was so proud to have her for my mum ... and thank her for loving my boys like she did ..

    My dad ... I would have said, thank you for the magic you brought to our lives, and thank him for never raising a hand to us, and for being the most gentle dad anyone could wish for... he was like the B F G , even looked like him ... 

    But you make every day a memorie day, leave nothing unsaid , hug, share a few tears, and maybe have a few smiles too ... is there something he still wants to do ... music he likes, take this time with both hands, and hold on to each other ... sending you a big hug, brave lass ... Chrissie

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    Just a couple of thoughts:

    Talk about special events that meant a lot to you.  Not necessarily big high-spending events but things like a walk and talk you took together that stuck in your memory.  All the little things he did for you which you have never forgotten.  I realise these are not questions but will hopefully gladden his heart.  I don't know anything about your life - if you did things that might have worried or upset your dad (but most of us cause worry to our parents sometimes I am guessing - at least I hope it was not just me).  But talk to him about them - if they exist - and say you are sorry for causing grief (again if you did) and thank him for always being there for you regardless and how lucky you were to have him for a dad.  Tell him his influence will always live on in your heart.  Don't  know if any of this is useful but hope at least some it will make you think of things to ask.    Annie

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    Hi,  though a good few years ago now since Iostmy Dad to cancer he was a matter of fact type of person and whenI asked him questions (I am an only child) he used to turn the conversation back to me and said he just wanted to be told everything that was going on with the family and he 'wanted to go' with those good memories. To be fair he had written all his funeral requests down and we carried them out to the best of our ability.

    I am sure in your own heart you will know the right things to say however difficult this may be.  When my hubby died three years ago my children coped day to day and we still made plans even though many were cancelled.  Showing care, love and giving hugs can speak a thousand words.

    The easiest,and at the same time the hardest question is, I found, finding out what they would really need from you but being  able to listen and understand brings a certain peace.  Do not be afraid to speak to his medical team about anything that is troubling you as regards possible future arrangements. I was guided well both by the hospice staff (for myDad) and by community nurses (for my dear hubby). Without these professionals I would have been far more lost.

    Jules54 

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