A friends 92 year old father has been diagnosed with terminal cancer although he does not seem to be aware of this. She is finding it difficult to see him as she is afraid he may ask her if she knows what his illness is. She is avoiding seeing him although he phones her several times a day. Her daughters visit him every day but he is asking why she doesn't visit. Had anyone had a similar experience? If so how did you cope with this and what can I do to help her overcome this fear.
A friends 92 year old father has been diagnosed with terminal cancer although he does not seem to be aware of this. She is finding it difficult to see him as she is afraid he may ask her if she knows what his illness is. She is avoiding seeing him although he phones her several times a day. Her daughters visit him every day but he is asking why she doesn't visit. Had anyone had a similar experience? If so how did you cope with this and what can I do to help her overcome this fear.
Hello witchhazel. What a sad situation. While I have not been in a similar situation and without knowing any of the people involved I can only say that your friend should perhaps be honest with her father. Surely he will find out soon enough as if he has been diagnosed there will be a care plan slotting into place? Is she sure he does not know? If he is incapable of understanding what has happened then presumably someone went to his appointments with him (you see, I am guessing a lot here!) and surely this would have been discussed after the appointment if this was the case. How hurt the elderly gentleman must be if his daughter is avoiding him; by avoiding one difficult situation this is creating a worse one as things cannot move forward.. Your are being a good friend by trying to help but really there is no help for it but to just discuss the facts with the gentleman. What does she fear? Sometimes the fear is actually in our own mind rather than the person in question who is receiving the bad news. I am sure you will be there for your friend throughout all of this; please try to convince her just to bite the bullet so to speak. Sometimes life is not easy.
Hi there ... welcome and what a lovely friend you are ... does her siblings know his prognosis ? May be she should have a chat to them, and come to a disision to gether .. so all the family can decide to gether ... if your friend does keep away, there will be a time when that option is taken away and she may have guilt after ... it's really hard to face someone we love, when they have limited time ... but fare harder to stay away in the long run ..
Some people die suddenly and we don't get that chance to hold their hand .. or say things like l love you ... or things in their hearts, but she has that chance, like annieliz said .. bite the bullet and go for it ... he may know he hasn't got long ... lots of us deep down know that, without being told ... maybe show her these responses ... she can do this, but ultimately it is down to her .. best wishes and hope it goes o.k ... Chrissie x
He's 92 and he's lived his life. Unless he's suffering from a mental illness or dementia, where he doesn't have the capacity to understand, she and other family members are doing him a disservice by not telling him, especially as he's asking for the information.
They're not giving him an opportunity to partake in treatment decisions that affect him and consequently, any treatment given could well constitute assault.
He may have affairs to get in order and may run out of time to do so, if he remains unaware.
And your friend and her father are missing opportunities to share the end times of his life, something he obviously cares about.
And surely she's aware that at 92, her father has probably thought that the end of his life is approaching.
