Hello, 

I am incredibly sorry about your poor Mum and to you for what you're facing ahead of you. 

Don't apologise, I'd say you have posted in the correct part of this site. I can't offer much advice so I hope someone will come along soon and is able to help you more than I can. 

I'd say usually at this stage the Doctors should be able to tell you roughly how long your mother has left to live. Have you spoken to your local hospice team they may be able to give you a better insight than say your mothers oncologist? We found the hospice team were much more helpful in answering these sort of questions and supporting us than the doctor. 

We was in this situation last year when my Dad's cancer then turned terminal. We had hospice nurses coming in a couple of times a day as it was classed as 'hospice at home' as my mum didn't want him going into the hospice itself as it was a fear of his to ever go into one. But he took a funny turn and we decided to take him to the hospice so they could adjust his medication etc. They told us he wouldn't be coming home and had days to live. But he carried on and on and was eventually allowed back home. The hospice nurses then came in 4 times a day and my mum was allowed 2 night sits a week so she could get some proper sleep. So bare this in mind if you are caring for your mum that night sits should be available to you, every little helps. Like you I wanted to know how long my Dad actually had, whilst we knew he was 'dying' I wanted to prepare myself. Was there going to be signs the end was near or was it just going to happen unexpectedly like in his sleep? I did read up on the end of life symptoms so I could look out for these. And some of them my Dad already had months prior so it wasn't that helpful at the time. About a week before he died that's when I started noticing a few more signs so that helped in knowing the end was very near. These signs were things like hardly drinking at all, finding it hard to swallow food and liquids so a sponge was used on his mouth to keep it wet, sleeping loads more etc. Then the day he died it was extremely obvious that this was it. 

Big hugs to you 

Many thanks for the reply.

I have asked the question to the doctors a few times now and they are unwilling even to estimate a timescale. This does not help in the slightist. 

Mum wants to come home for the same reasons you mention above, however, this morning  I have personally contacted the local hospice and just asked some basic questions about if she changes her mind as from what I have read this can be a painful ending without the right care and support around her.

We personally wouldn't of changed where my Dad died. You get the same level of care and support at home as you would being in the hospice. But I understand not everyone has the same experience. My dad had no pain as they fitted him with a syringe driver and would give him morphine so he was always completely relaxed. The nurses who come in will not only change the bedding and wash the patient but they will also make sure the person is comfortable and willy carry out the appropriate measures if needed. But it is a personal choice and it can be stressful to care for a loved one at home and your mum will need 24 hour care. It is good if any care can be shared as it is a stressful situation. Obviously being in a hospice she will get that 24 hour care and you can even stay at the hospice some nights if you didn't want to leave her or if she became really poorly. Its good to weigh up the pros and cons and overall what would be best for your mum but also you. You matter too if you are the only who will be doing all or most of the caring. 

We personally wouldn't of changed where my Dad died. You get the same level of care and support at home as you would being in the hospice. But I understand not everyone has the same experience. My dad had no pain as they fitted him with a syringe driver and would give him morphine so he was always completely relaxed. The nurses who come in will not only change the bedding and wash the patient but they will also make sure the person is comfortable and willy carry out the appropriate measures if needed. But it is a personal choice and it can be stressful to care for a loved one at home and your mum will need 24 hour care. It is good if any care can be shared as it is a stressful situation. Obviously being in a hospice she will get that 24 hour care and you can even stay at the hospice some nights if you didn't want to leave her or if she became really poorly. Its good to weigh up the pros and cons and overall what would be best for your mum but also you. You matter too if you are the only who will be doing all or most of the caring.