Hi there ... welcome to our little chat page ... we’ll i have heard before that when cancer goes, there is something like a void ... where you knew how strong you had to be, and living with that much strength of will must have taken a lot out of you ... but you had a goal and a purpose, when you get the all clear you sort of loose that purpose... it must be confusing as to wonder to yourself ‘why don’t I feel on top of the world’ I’m only guessing, but I’ve heard those lows are sometimes felt by others too...

I also had my journey with cancer, and was sure I wouldn’t get through the op, so I did the same, wrote all my letters to those I love, even planed my funeral... but here I am ... still standing (sort of). So I’ve packed those letters away until needed ... I feel I must have come through that for a reason ..just maybe there’s a reason you’ve come through this ... something your ment to do or someone your ment to help, but may not be clear just yet .... I too am having no cemo etc ... but doing all the natural things which I recon can’t hurt ... 

you sound very talented... put your feelings in your art work ... give yourself time ... be kind to your heart ... and you will slowly get your life back on track ... small steps .. don’t worry that people don’t understand how you feel, unless they’ve traveled the same path as you it’s hard to understand... regards Chrisie x

Hello Mike, My brother was diagnosed with last stage (6) Hodgkinsons when he was 23. At the time we were offered a priest he was that ill. He walked out of hospital halfway through Chemo and has never had any further treatment. He is now 64 years old. His immunity is low and normal flu could kill him but he has come back each time including a five way heart bypass when he was 50 and even that should only have lasted 10 years but he is still with us. One of the consultants at the time read his case notes before the bypass and his actual words to us were ' nothing short of a miracle has ocurred' he was literally baffled as to how my brother could still be alive. Stay strong and cherish each morning you wake. I wish you the very best

Hi Mike and welcome to the forum!

Your story is amazing and shows how some of us beat the odds. It also shows why applying survival/prognosis statistics to an individual patient is such a bad idea. 

I was given a similar prognosis back in October 2013 - I was even warned that I might not make it to Christmas of that year, had around a 3 to 5% chance of surviving, and that I should get my affairs in order. I did the rounds of my extended family to say goodbye, had a big party with my friends, went to see my favourite band for the "last time", partied as much as I could whilst on chemo and eventually went off sick whilst fighting the side effects of the chemo. I still have cancer but it has been dormant (so far) since I completed what was supposed to be palliative chemo back in 2014.

It has taken a while to get my head around the fact that I'm still alive and kicking - not helped by still having the cancer and knowing it could start growing again at any time.

I'm convinced that a lot of people living with, surviving, or living after cancer probably have a form of undiagnosed PTSD. Everyone seems to expect us to switch from fighting cancer to enjoying life to the full without a care in the World and this so rarely happens.

You now face a harder fight which is to recover your Mental Health - you've been through a lot and it will take time for your mind to adjust to the new reality in order for you to start re-building your life.

Have you spoken to your GP about how you feel? If you've been feeling down for several months, you might benefit from some specialist services aimed specifically at cancer survivors. 

At the very least, please come back to the forum to vent your frustrations and talk to other people who can empathise with what you are going through.

All the best
Dave