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My Grandad is dying

pinkgirl27
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My Grandad is dying. He is my oldest grandparent and the first one I will lose. He has liver cancer but I think it has spread to other areas in his body. My parents won't tell me anything and it's making it worse. I am a very practical 16 year old and would prefer to know the facts and know how he is. How should I deal with this? And is liver cancer very painful?

Many thanks and love to anyone who responds to this

Lottie x 

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    Hi there Lottie... I’m so sorry your finding yourself in this situation... I remember being 7 years old and knew something had happened to my granddad ... every one told me lies.. he was away visiting .. he was at work etc .. and then a couple of hours later, my little “friend” said in rhyme ... your grandads dead .. it still hurts now even though I’m 63 ... 

    i promised I would always be honest with my sons .. gentle but honest ... when my mum died suddenly of heart attach, I sat my 7 year old on my lap, and explained his lovely nanny was in heaven and she no longer needed her walking stick, no more pills, and nanny would never be in pain again ... he had a few tears and we hugged and a while later was watching his program on t.v ... I phoned my 16 year old who was just in the army ... I’d got his Sargent to have everything in place to look after him and bring him home ... and I told him as gently as I could ... 

    my two boys were amazing ... they coped with the gentle truth, and will never go through the pain in how I found out bout mine ... 27 years later, they still put her photo on their face book and always remember her with love ...

    i think your parents are trying to protect you , like mine did me ... could you write them a letter, and put your feelings down, explaining you want to be included in your granddad journey... tell them how your hurting by not being included ... and it’s o.k to all feel scared , and it’s o.k to have a few tears but together... you sound amazingly brave and grown up for your 16 years ... just try and think it’s probably all new to them and prob doing the best they can ... they must love you to try and protect you so ... but they do need to get you on board , it will help everyone in the long run ...

    i hope you have time to be with your grandad and just holding his hand and telling him all the things in your heart ... or just sitting there will prob mean the world to both of you ... Please keep in touch.. you can put anything you need to say here, you will have us here to listen whenever you need it ...

    sending you a big hug ... Chrisie xx ️

     

  • Offline in reply to Chriss
    My father was dying of liver cancer back in 1977 when I was 25 and I was getting married. He was only 60. It was a tough year, but my father had a fantastic support system with family and friends...so he could stay at home among familiar surroundings and close to us. At 16, you are very young to have to cope with your grandfathers’s impending death while well meaning family members that are trying to protect you...It is frustrating! Your love for your grandfather needs to be expressed to him and your family members as they are hurting, too! You are mature beyond your years...you will get through this and be stronger for it...give yourself time to grieve.

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